[May 22] -- [song]Monica - U Should've Known Better
[action] chattin
[what im feelin]jus nottin

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHRISSY (19th) & NAN (20th) since u kno i aint write fo a long ass time.... lolz 5 days is long for me.. shussh... newayz.. since last lets see.. on tha 20th i got nan some zebra cakes.. or i mean i made them.. rite nan.. and dis girl she dont be answerin her damn door.. u watch nan lolz.. den later dat day went to trangs to work on da damn aayat flyer .. didnt get home till 11ish.. friday applied to subway den went to chill wit jimmy, nick, pete, nick, tino, n mike... (yea more like nick and jimmy tho).. at parmatown. they had planned this whole thing to play ddr.. but realli didnt instead jus went round mall to chill and all... lolz.. i miss dem days back in middle skoo wen i went to da mall jus to chill... been long ass time since i did dat.. den todai went to north olmsted wit betty and nanda and applied at suncoast (its that movie store sinit.. not the damn white peoples store lolz).. and here i am now with two projects to do for school


[May 17] -- [song]Amanda Perez - I Pray
[action] Thinking
[what im feelin]bland

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TRANG (da 15th) and AH Boi (da 17)... sooz i got mah haircut friday, went ta solon academic challenge, aayat and da mall saturday.. den to trangs house to give her her present and saw her niece who seems scarred of me lolz... den on sunday i went to trangs house rite.. and her dad aint even know who i was lolz.. i thought that was funni.. (considerin dat ive known her family all mah life lolz).. newayz dats it!! yeah for me... no not realli lolz... newayz.. i was readin peoples thoughts on sunday.. and i had this eerie feelin.. and wen i found out the truth.. its like why was i thinkin that.. and iono.. lolz and i woke up from mah nap today like singin in mah head aqua's turn back time... and im like wtf is that bout.. its not like ive listened to aqua in da longest time and i cant rememba wat i dreamed about.. so who knows...


[May 12] -- [song] Joe - Ride Wit You
[action] Jus woke up
[what im feelin]i dont kno

u eva wonda if in anotha universe there is someone that is doin all the things that u wanted to.. sayin all the things to the people u always hold in..... i jus wish i could be that person sometimes.. say all the things i hold in for certain peoples... and i wonda how would it all turn out... if onli...


[May 11] -- [song] Joe - Ride Wit You
[action] Jus woke up
[what im feelin]i dont kno

i was tinkin like always... and i jus realized that sometimes i forget to be mahself that im so worried bout wat others think and the actualli outcome of a situation that i forget who i am.. maybe thas wats been wrong lateli.. and im not a person to jus put on a fuxin smile if im not happi.. thas not me... i do wat i feel and shiet lolz.. maybe thas mah down fall.. who knowz.. i was actualli gonna put sometin else but u dont need ta kno.. newayz.. lifes been nice.. no homework lateli cuz i can get it all done in skoo since mah first three periods are like free periods since aps done.. i need ta find me a job.. so if neone kno anywhere.. im available lolz..


[May 7] -- [song] Everytime
[action] sleep
[what im feelin]shitty

it seem like everyone round me is happi and that im the onli one that isn't.. im jus not feelin good at all about mahself.. i dont kno nemore... i got two of mah ap tests thru wit.. they both were blah.. but o well its done wit.. i got bio on monday.. newayz.. bak to mah life.. or if u can call it that.. it jus feels like i get these periodical times where i feel so shitty and that i begin to wonder what would people do if i die tmrw? yea its jus thoughts.. not tryin to get there jus wonderin wat people would say or do.. jus like what would the headlines be like.. what secrets would they find. what people would whisper to each other about for rumors.. i dont kno.. yeah.. wwell thas it.


[May 1] -- [song] Aaliyah - 4 page letter
[action] Homework
[what im feelin]nottinz
[Thoughts]sleep lolz

welpz (wow thas a weird word). newayz.. nottinz at all dis weekend.. aayat on saturday.. lolz otherwise jackshiet.. did clean the interior of mah car and caught up on sleep. o wellz.. stressin over ap tests.. thursday is mah french one and friday is mah modern euro one.. so wish me luck.. and next monday (the 10) i got mah bio test.. but ima rock that test lolz.. bio is mah thang.. o by the way.. jus ta let yall kno.. i think im 80% shure ima become a drug dealer.. or drug maker (ask me bout that lolz).. o wellz.. now to pick the college.. university of rochestor is looking good.. hmm who knoz.. o wellz back to homework for me.. LOLZ IM MAD ATCHALL .. noone eva caught me on that favorite movie says a walk to remember.. shiet i neva even saw it.. wen i copied that thing in mah info from someone elses i aint bother to change some.. THANKX FOR TELLIN ME lolz..


[April 29] -- [song] Monica - Dont Gotta Go Home
[action] Homework
[what im feelin]furious
[Thoughts]hate the government in some ways

so i find out bout the draft.. im realli out of reality at times lolz..2005 draft.. jus rite for us.. girls includin too. so im mad as wat.. college kids, and conscious objectioners still get to go.. no exclusions.. wow.. i hate war.. so how can i contribute to it in anyway?? i dont kno.. ima rant more later on... wellz im stressed as fux wit all mah ap tests less than a week away.. plus i gotta get mah math grade up.. so ionoz.. science olympiad isnt done lolz.. we go to schools to show off... this weekend is gonna be nice tho.. i guess. hw all way thru.. lolz but saturday im goin to da mall wit mah mom.. see that rosah.. see it.!!!! lolz.. makin fun of me.. after the 10th ima be sooo relaxed..


[April 28] -- [song] Twista - Overnight Celebrity
[action] Homework
[what im feelin]blah
[Thoughts]nottinz

HAPPI BDAY MATT!!!...congrats ta Nick and J.lowe fo they book awards... yup yupz.. u kno nick reppin da bio kids lolz and j.lowe holdin it down fo da public schools .. sadly i didnt win.. but o wellz.. thas life.. ive noticed ive been acceptin rejection a lot more nowadays..and in that sense its almost like ive become cynical. (not like i wasnt b4).i was inducted into NHS todai.. it wasnt netin special.. thas it.


[April 25] -- [song] Marques Houston - Lonely
[action] Homewokr
[what im feelin]
[Thoughts]nottinz

the weekend sux a lil.. lolz.. jus a lil..friday missed skoo to go down to CO fo science olympiad, went to cosi and then that was it.. saturday was the comp.. afta stayin up all nite fo a thing.. it broke at the competition.. got 9th in mah prize event.. i was disappointed.. and then i got 10 for mah tower.. team got 23.. sad i kno.. thas out of 40.. lolz still sad. theres always next year.. newayz.. todai i got me mah cd player.. installin it tmrw.. and ummz thas it lolz.. yes rosah i went to the mall wit mah mom lolz.. newayz...heres pics of mah beautful hat and me




[April 21] -- [song] Monica - U Should've Known Betta
[action] bout to pack
[what im feelin] who gives a monkey's ass
[Thoughts]nottinz

wellz skooz been slowin down thank goodness.. in two weeks ima start lookin fo a job.. three of mah classes gonna end by the may 10 so wats the point of not gettin a job.. ummz i jus got dis fitted hat.. and damn i love it lolz.. its a blue and red indians pinstrip one tho.. sadli its indians lolz.. i wanted a ny one but couldnt find one.. but i like dis one still.. on one side is dat indian guy and da otha has da C... so its good..thas it lolz.. im proud of mah hat.


[April 20] -- [song] Alicia Keys - Diary (Its good)
[action] bout to read
[what im feelin] kinda confused
[Thoughts]tired
i was thinkin once more.. i kno its hard not to tho.. and iono this telepathic connection thingy is gettin to me... i dont kno.. newayz.. how can u tell blue the truth when blue is attached to red leaving yellow by itself??hahaha have fun with that metaphore...


[April 19] -- [song] Alicia Keys - Diary
[action] hw
[what im feelin] nottin
[Thoughts]tired
thingz bak to normal.. skooz skoo.. lifes blah.. mah stepdad went bak to chi-town.. i was tinkin and rite now it jus feels like im in a transitional phase.. like life seems to not be exactly meaningful and its not like im havin mah greatest teen times. that everyone seems to be havin. so yea.. wateva.. newayz i realli dont kno nemore.. o wellz


[April 17] -- [song] 2pac n Biggie - Runnin
[action] hw
[what im feelin] i dunt tink u realliz carez
[Thoughts]it hurtz
iono wateva.. i got mad hw to do lolz.. i blew it off thruout break and now its here to kill me.. yeah the hw monster... err wateva.. ill get it done.. newayz.. KENN where u atz how comez u aint hit me up at all dis whole week.. i forgot like i dont have a way ta contactcha lolz.. n look spring break gone over wit.. newayz..yeaz.. rite now like im indifferent to everytin.. i sometimes wonder if i will have a time.. n i dont tink many people actualli get wat dat meanz.. but ta mah pplz who do u kno watz up.. dont it sux.. neva feelz like my time gonna come.. o wellz.. im out..


[April 16] -- [song] J.Lo - All I Got
[action] shiet
[what im feelin] who gives a damn
[Thoughts]shiet..
ive been tinkin.. and i kno its bad fo me.. but i hate it.. damn it.. im fuxin mad at mahself and jus ionoz.. i realli dont wanna get inta it.. o tha otha day i was tinkin ritez.. and i realized that i realli hate myself at timez.. wateva i had sometin else but i cant rememba it lolz...newayz back to skoo monday.. sux... n ive been ta skoo last three days finishin dis thing.. i jus finished it todai.. happi tho.. its a 14.3 gram tower that is suppose to hold 15 kilograms... u do the math...

11:31-- i hate bein fony... i dont like doin thingz that make me feel used or doin thingz i realli dont wanna...


[April 12] -- [song] Jagged Edge - What's It Like
[action] thinkin
[what im feelin] im caught off guard
[Thoughts]HAPPI BIRTHDAY NICK
i decided to read mah horoscopes jus fo tha hell of it.. n guess wat it say. "What's the rush? You have the rest of your life. Whatever the object, this is love" and im thinkin wat the fuck... that shiet jus caught me all offguard.. and i dunno wat to think.. yea im superstitious.. i mean I DIDNT have to read it.. i didnt have to read it todai.. etc.. and its jus beeen thingz ive been thinkin lateli..who knoz


[April 11] -- [song] Usher - U Remind Me remix
[action] plannin
[what im feelin] jus woke up so kinda drowzy
[Thoughts]i had an aite time yesterday.. still questionin why i realli went down to CO.. i mean da import show was nice and all but aint worth no 13 dollas.. da trip down der n bak and da parkin.. so i tink inside of me der was an alterior motive.. who knoz.. i dont wanna realli tink bout it. i did have fun wit mah frienz so maybe it was worth it.. plus BUBBLE TEA... so it was sinit, Bee, sammy n me goin down der.. went ta bee's frienz.. den ta show.. den met up rosah, nan, san, khanh, trang... den rosah and nan went wit us.. we went to easton to meet bee's frien kevin who took us to momos fo bubble tea. den we went home.. so iono.. ders dat.. tmrws seeming promisin.. aitez well thas it


[April 6] -- [song] Ludacris - Growing Pains
[action] homework
[what im feelin] confused
[Thoughts]hmmz... i had a nice dream last nite.. and noo it wasnt a dirty one .. u perv... lolz.. iono i wish i didnt have it tho... setting: some room like a meeting room.. i was sitting on one side and on the other side was this girl.. the one that ive liked fo awhile.. n everytime i look at her.. she smiles.. n i wake up to realize it was jus a dream... o wellz. thas my entry for todai.. ive got hw.


[April 3] -- [song] Usher -- Confessions
[action] bout to sleep
[what im feelin] who knoz
[Thoughts]well todai went ta aayat meetin at 2.. den we went ta da health space thing. then ta asiaplaza where we passed aayat flyers out.. den me,trang,nan,rosah,kerri(dont kno tha spelling) went ta gabrielle's brothers.. well rite b4 we went ta visit chanary at her work.. it was koo.. lolz ppl thought i was bored at shoppin n dat was onli cuz noone seemed ta want me by them lolz.. o wellz i went round dat store a couple times.. got me time to think.. im alwayz doin shiet dat i forget to tink at times.. and i realized why i dont tink.. it gets ta me. i realli cant wait till break.. maybe i can sort thru mah shiet.. im so sick of holdin some of dis stuff in.. watevaz.. ive been thinkin bout things and i realize i fall short of so many thingz.. maybe i should start focusin on tha things i do well fo once.. maybe its dat i dont eva say damn i did good... wateva..

[March 27] -- [song] Kanye West -- All Falls Down
[action] homework
[what im feelin] unshure
[Thoughts]
it all falls down. it seems like all da walls ppl built are slowly falling down..even mine seems to have disintegrated.. and i tried to build it back up wit new material.. but its not holdin.. i dont kno nemore.. =)

[March 27] -- [song] Jessica Simpson - Forbidden Fruit
[action] Reinvention
[what im feelin] jollier
[Thoughts]still did nottin todai.. i did some tinkin and i tink im tryin ta turn a new leaf.. im gonna "reinvent mahslef" not realli.. but mo like ima have a betta attitude on life.. im sick of feelin sorri fo mahself and i kno noone wants ta feel sorri fo me eitha.. i was tinkin bout thingz and its like if u give n give and u dont seem to get netin in return.. shouldnt u stop givin.. lolz i was too slo r=to realize that. so thas my revelation of the day. i realli dont kno where it came from.. i tink i was readin mah french shiet and in a previous book we had ta read it was talkin bout how if ur so worried bout sometin.. its prob gonna happen ta ya.. like say if im so worried bout gettin a pimple. i will get it jus fo spite.. get tha picture? well thas it.. keep up da notes.. i like dem =).


[March 27] -- [song] Kanye West -- All Falls Down
[action] Thinkin
[what im feelin] Like im bout to break down
[Thoughts]did shiet all weekend.. ive been feelin realli bad lately.. im jus like morally drained once again.. i dont kno nemore.. i tink maybe i should become busy again so i dont have to tinnk bout thingz..btw see dat link rite der.. leave me a note or sumtinz bout wat i wrote.


[March 25] -- [song] Ashanti - Rain On Me
[action] Thinkin
[what im feelin] empti
[Thoughts]me, sinit, betty, yen, n lisa jus blew up on each otha todai.. i guess it was all fo tha good tho.. i meanz we got a lot of misunderstandins out of da way.. but me n yen is still like mad at each otha.. n iono bout me n lisa.. like iono exactly where we stand.. its ok tho.. i dont like stress. newayz.. i love havin tmrw off.. i cant wait lolz..talkin ta jim heaz.. itz koo. i realized lotz of thingz.. i tink i should start tryin to take life one day at a time. but thas like very unlike me.. o wellz.. wateva happens happens.. things happen fo a reason... if its meant to be it'll be...

[March 24] -- [song] Christina Milian - Until I Get Over You
[action] Studyin
[what im feelin] empti
[Thoughts]i talked ta rosah bout sometin todai.. and its made me realize that maybe i do need to start tinkin bout sometin else.. i shouldnt be hung up like dis.. i kno e'eryone tellin em.. iono it jus didnt hit me .. like i didnt wanna accept it b4.. but like now e'eryone tellin me.. so i guess ima try and see wat happens.. i got friday off.. im happi.. yupz.. dats it ...

[March 23] -- [song] Usher - Burn
[action] Bout to fix an essay
[what im feelin] angry with a touch of sadness
[Thoughts]todai i learned sometings dat made me mad.. some people so fuxin fony and two faced.. wateva.. iono lookin back at things.. i mustve be some pathetic desperate fool to be deceived... o wellz.. dis week has been so much betta fo me.. im not so stressed like last week.. im still cranky.. but yea... iono im feelin like im afraid of sometin.. im realli afraid of endin up loneli.. and ppl say that wat u are afraid of u usually will end up like.. so mayb i shouldnt be afraid of it.. but i jus cant help it.. i feel like im realli ugly and such a loser.. o wellz maybe i needta start changin that... who knoz.. =)..

[March 22] -- [song] Kanye West - The New Workout Plan
[action] jus got one mo fuxin essay but its onli two pages
[what im feelin] sleepy
[Thoughts]aitez well all weekend was da aayat summit... it was borin... i mean borin.. n like da dorkiest pplz was der.. i mean der was koo ppl der too.. da showers were weird as fux.. yea lolz.. it was koo tho cuz da ppl dat i chilled wit.. we wuz tellin scary stories while we waz in da van once.. it was like 10 at nite out in da country dark as fux n we wuz tellin stories.. dat was fun. 15 pplz lolz.. newayz we wuz at a "Triple K ranch" dat shiet was scary wen i seen dat.. lolz it was called dat cuz three ppl had last names startin wit k..newayz i was tinkinz on da trip and i realized dat im afraid of one thing cuz if i do and its a no den im scarred( u kno scars not scared but scarred) fo life.. yea.. o wellz. i was up ta 330 yestaday finishin mah hw.. dat was suxy and datz it fo nowz..

[March 18] -- [song] Maria - I Give You Take
[action] On page 4 of 10 page Report
[what im feelin] sleepy
[Thoughts]I was thinkin bout this jus now.. people who say they write in their thoughts or blogs but are inhibited are realli lying to themselves and not anyone else.. i mean if your not open to the world.. who are you open to..iono i like to let tings out in the open.. the truth hurts sometimes but o well.. i guess i alienate ppl that way. but they'll jus have to deal wit it.. newayz ima be on dis aayat summit all weekend.. so dont expect to hear from me until lik 9 pm on a sunday nite...

[March 17] -- [song] Xscape - Softest Place On Earth
[action] bout to sleep
[what im feelin] loneli
[Thoughts]im so fuxin stressed.. hw jus aint helpin.. tmrw im presentin on racism at mah skoo wit a group... but datz not stressin.. its da hw dat i got. n mah grades are on the downslope... i need to pull them all up.. B in bio. B+ in Math and B in French.. da three grades that get me all da time.. da otha grades are all As hopefulli... errz im feelin so loneli tooz.. iono its hard to xplain and its not like neone asks.. i mean sometimes i wish some people would listen to me complain.. not sayin i dont like to listen.. i like to listen a lot.. jus dat i want my turn sometimes..

[March 16] -- [song] DJ Alligator - Me and My
[action] bout to read hw
[what im feelin] iono im realli realli empty
[Thoughts]I got so much shit to do... i got dis huge ass packet due thursday but its nice to have tmrw off fo state champ Speech and debate.. but see i got TWO 10 page reports due on monday and im goin to dat Camp Kerns thingy Fri-Sun.. so iono how ima finish them... i best be gettin it day huhz.. damn todai was fuxin bad da weather that is... mah life has no relevance lolz.. its always bad it seemz.. o wellz.. iono sometimes it feels like its not even that bad.. but ders sumtin i have yet to find out y i feel so bad..itz complex....nite nite

[March 14] -- [song] Milk Inc. - Never Again
[action] bout to sleep
[what im feelin] im depressed mo than ive been in months rite now.. well maybe thas not tru.. round xmas time i was feelin da same
[Thoughts] it jus sux sux sux.. well real quick cap of day b4 i go deep... 730 wake up. 8ish leave fo garfield hts high skoo fo academic challenge.. mah "jv" team that i was on got 3-4 u kno how dem brackets work.. ok i met i swr da preppiest girlz ive eva met.. dey was annoyin.. n i swr dese boiz or dis one boi wanted to get beat.. he needed ta learn some respect i swrz.. benedictine h.s. dis one boi wen i was doin buzzer chekz was jus holdin da thing in.. im like wat u doin.. and he gonna be like how u kno mah name.. ummz wtf i aint even say nottinz bout his name... i swr dis bitch.. i had ta walk out of da room i was dat mad.. dat boi jus needed ta be taught some manners... n den der coach was a bitch.. callin timeouts n ish.. who the fux calls timeouts in academic challenge, this aint no sport lolz... wateva..den i went wit trang, nan, n khanh ta Pat Catans.. couldnt find no manequin heads fo da body bags lolz dont dat sound funni if u aint kno wat im talkin bout.. n i jus went home.. mah mom ended up not wantin to go to mall so i took a nap... n here i am awake at 1... yeaz.. well onta deep shiet... iono mayb itz cuz mah step dad bak in town.. or mayb i began to look at thingz mo diff...iono i wish ... nvm.. derz no point cuz it lookz like itz not gonna b granted.. iono jus voir cette personne me faire heureuse mais il me faire realizer que nous ne sommes pas ensemble.. realli bad french but i did that fo a reason.. o wellz... n den itz like i got all dis hw.. i sometimez jus wanna give up on all this

[March 13] --[song] Monica: What My Heart Says
[action] bout to go to Garfield Hts. fo academic challenge
[lookin forward to] jus seein some pplz.. if i can... n datz it
[disappointed that] not realli netinz at dis very moment, give me time and ill find sometin lolz
[thoughts] yestaday was SINITS bday.. and it was fun... went wit sinit to play pool round 2.. den had to go home and do some stuff fo da fam... den come round 11 i went to pick up ida went to get da cake at tops... aite i was unorganized lolz.. den went to carousel.. bowled wit manique, ida, two otha of manique's friend, benny sammy, n sinit... lisa n yen were there all of like two minutes... or sumtinz.. but wateva.. lolz i cant say i was at mah best but i still was good lolz.. newayz.. jus da ppl der was fun lolz.. i mean bowlins borin wit da wrong ppl.. newayz we forgot plates and forks.. so da guy der was hlepin us out.. he was azn u knoz lolz... yupz dats it... well da rest of da week was crappi.. thursday worst ive eva had in bio.. i failed with great failure and i got a bad grade on an essay,, but i can redo it. yea dat was mah week...

[March 9] -- Mya -- After the Rain -- yeaz.. well im tryin to recover from fallin behind in skoo n sleep.. and im almost there.. ummz i have nottin to say.. sinits bday is friday so who knoz watz gonna happen derz... i dont wanna go wit lisa's plan lolz.. who knoz... newayz my life is slowly settlin down and im happi bout it.. altho ive been hearin lately bout friendship probz.. and it sux cuz it sux to lose a frien.. and mah theory bout that is that sometimes it cant last cuz ppl change and sumtinz its suppose to last but we too stubborn to see.. so there thas mah universal statement.. okz.. dats it fo today..

[March 7] -- 3lw -- more then friends 2nd version -- friday was at skoo till 230 in da mornin.. damn science olympiad.. talk bout some dork aye lolz.. den went out ta lorain saturday mornin makin me wake up at 715 to get der.. science olympiad regionals till 6.. dork again aye lolz... and todais i got shit load of hw to do.. so lolz yeaz... o wellz.. newayz... yeaz im jus goin wit da ins and outs of life.. seems like ive become emotionally detached from everything .. o wellz..

[March 4] -- Avant -- Everything Bout You -- of course good music brought ta me bah trang lolz ritez trang... sooz.. ionoz im not as depressed as earlier.. but yeaz.. ionoz its like BLAH... i dont kno im jus me... and maybe thas the problem.. yea im abstract.. but u figure it out and wen u do tell me cuz even i dont kno... i wish i could read minds so i wouldnt make myself look like a fool all da time.. or feel like a fool all da time.. foolish...well lifez jus skoo like mad lateliz.

[March 3] -- Lloyd f. Ashanti -- Southside.. good beat no idea what words are tho lolz.. it sound good... wellz mah mom says i look like i got sadder.. iono i have i tinkz.. itz jus blah.. newayz.. i forgot why im writin.. so ill write later

[March 1] -- toni braxton -- always...its march.. yea.. i guess.. newayz..i realliz jus want a break from skoo and shiet.. shiet got me stressed and all.. see i would realli love to get away from it all but like wat would i run to?? or mo like who?? yea exactly thankx... ionoz.. i got mahself tinkinz da otha day bout like life in general... i realli hope i dont end up loneli.. like i feel now... ionoz.. shiet im depressed.. and ionoz da person dat i realli want in mah life, well she has her own to worri bout.. and it may not be who u tinkinz im talkinz bout... o wellz. so watd i do? friday i had to stay at skoo, go to thomas's bball practice, den work on projects... saturday 8 oclock at mentor fo science olympiad (dorky aint i =)) get ready fo formal.. den eat at sinits place wit lisa n yen.. den to yen's formal.. home @ 11..stay up till 3 finishin project. wake up 8 fo church.. had to take mah grandfather to church.. den carshow.. den trang and nan was ova... so dats it..11:16.. had some good convos... lolz nan talkin bout goin in da washer.. no nan its the dryer thats fun... goin in da washer gonna get u hurt lolz... and lisa u knoz i cant get good lookin like u even afta 10 million plastic surgeries lolz.. da face said so.. =)... i was lookin at mah horoscope..."Maybe you want someone to fall in love with you. If he or she is craving your attention just as much, all's right with the world. But if your advances are unwelcome, you need to come up with a less intrusive plan, or maybe give up altogether." see parker or allison. lolz even tho u said u didnt like either name ima use both.... now how freaki is that..

[February 28] -- Lio -- At The End -- im jus gettin dat state where like i feel nottin and wen i do feel sometin its like depressin..like i feel nottinz.. nottinz der.. like im empty.. but i am im not gonna deny it... and itz not lookn good fo the future eitha.. lookz like its gonna stay empty.. thas life.. mah life... newayz... todai went ta science olympiad in mentor... iono how i did cuz i left early, den went ta value city ta get a gray tie.. den fell asleep and woke up realizin i shouldve been out da door already.. sinit and manique's work wit yen n lisa... den ta yen's formal.. it was aitez.. fun.. but i tol u im feelin empti.. so newayz... ionoo anymo.. but did i eva....1255.. i was jus tinkinz bout dis and i realized i miss feelin like special.. like mah exgurl she was like tellin me i was hot and stuff.. and i miss dat stuff.. i kno its conceited but like i need reassurance.. i realli miss her rite at dis moment.. she was fun and always made me feel like i was special.. nowadays der is noone dat does dat...

[February 26] -- Blu Cantrell -- So Blu: wellz iono its blah.. i mean itz like blah.. got noone.. been skoo focused lately.. and so its blah.. i realli wish time would stop at times... errz.. aitez well wateva...(boring stuff>
im realli like stressed.. i got dis project fo webdesign thas due sunday and we dont even got da layout ... (note i did da content lolz)... errz dese otha pplz need ta get it done... newayz.. skooz hectic like alwayz.. i didnt even get to redo mah essay that i shouldve.. and i havent started mah term paper...tmrw i gotta finish da project, brothas bball practice, den stay at skoo prob till like 11 finishin dis scioly ting... saturday i got scioly from 8-4ish.. den formal... sunday i gotta go sell dese damn raffle tixet and not to forget do mah hw... and next saturday is regionals fo scioly... so next week ima stay xtra late to get dis bitch done.. shiet...

[February 24] -- song: Jkwon -- Tipsy: ive jus been pumpin dis jam all day.. got a fuxin good beat lolz.. im so slo i aint hear dis till like yestaday... newayz... skoo iz gettin realli bizzy... i like am suppose ta stay afta skoo fo three thingz but i onli can go ta one lolz... hmmz i aint got much ta say but "you say you dont deserve netin,, and ur rite. u dont deserve netin, netin dat hurts or is bad to you that is... and you deserve everytin good and beautiful in the world"... hope dat person getz ta read dis

[February 23] -- song: Tweet: Love Me -- i was readin otha pplz thoughtz and realized dat it seem like i neva get netinz dat i wantz.. iono how i got dat fromreadin otha pplz thoughtz.. maybe readin bout how they seem happi and i neva feel likez im happi.. im realli like annoyed... whyz it dat da thing i want da most i neva get.. not even close... o wellz.. i suppose datz da stori of my life, alwayz hearin bout tingz but neva gettin much ta make me happi.. ionoz.. and i been lately tinknz bout sometin one of mah frien said... it was said dat i mite be laughin a lot cuz i feel uncomfortable or jus not happi so im tryin to play it off as happi.. and im tinkinz bout it.. and i tink dat it may be tru.. and dat scarez me...iono nemore [February 21] -- song: Mya: You -- i got a shitload project to do finished by monday... o wellz... dis mornin woke up early out da door at 9ish .. pick up trang and nan and went ta aayat STAMP training.. was der till 2ish den ta rany's wit da addition of rosah and lisah.. da baby is so cute lolz... stayed der till 4ish.. den everyone home... and dats realli all i did.. had ta go ta mah grandfathas to help but thas it.. iono i had fun todai even tho it was real simple.. i love da simple things ive noticed recently.. im easily amused... o wellz.. ima add shoutouts todaiz i tinkz..

[February 20] -- song: Mya: After the Rain -- *edited.. time will tell.. newayz.. i was at skoo till 4 went home thomas's bball practice.. back to skoo at 8 den aint home till 12.. yea aint i a dedicated dork lolz.. wateva i was buildin stuff. newayz wen i was drivin home i swr der was dese 10 cop cars comin down lorain like sometin major happened.. and im gettn all stressed like wtf is happenin.. o wellz lolz... omg tv is fuxin stupid and borin.. im watchin late nite shiet and its jus dat shiet lolz.. newayz.. see how i get off da subject a lot?? o wellz.. its cuz i aint got netin else to say...

[February 19] -- song: Monica: So Gone -- yeahz.. chances are so limited in this life and yet people forget that.. one moment it may be there the next it may be gone... so ive come out from hidin lolz... ionoz i was jus bein a lil kid bout it past few dayz i suppose.. still tings in da back of mah head buggin me and tellin me i should care wen i donst... o wellz dats life... dayamn i aint talk ta ken in a minute.. and i realize why he so koo ta talk ta.. he tellin me theories and shiet and it all make sense.... dayamn i realli aint tinkz bout dis b4 but its like trang say.. its like all guys tink da same and all girlz tink da same lolz well i mean to an extent.. lolz wateva.. todai turned out to be ok i guess.. some ppl can jus do dat to mah day.....

[February 18] -- song: Monica: Knock Knock -- shurez.. wellz skoo been actualli helpful.. takin mah mind of shiet.. but i gotta face it sometime or anotha i suppose.. ionoz.. i was tinkinz todai and itz like dayamn howd i end up like dis... wateva.. i got da strength ta pull mahself togetha.. iono its like destined that wen i realli wanted to talk to people bout mah problemz.. noone was realli der.. i mean shure i got a fone.. but i dont like usin it.. and like online it works out betta.. like i can say things betta... but noone was online.. lisa tried ta help.. but yeaz.. and betty realliz u need to realize u didnt do netinz to ruin netinz.. u havent talked to me fo awhilez and so u dont realli undastand wat trulli is goin thru mah mind.. u didnt do netinz... believe me.. lolz newayz on to lighter subjects. lolz i have to rememba to watch wat i ask people nowadays lolz.. i asked trang how she was and i get too much info lolz... itz koo.. but datz wat i luv bout dat girl.. she so straightforward bout shiet.. lolz altho that was a lil bit too much HUHZ.. o wellz i had to add sometin light in der lolz cant leave things feelin sour nemoz (the anymoz version.. not nemo...)..

[february 17] -- song: Beyonce -- first off i wanna clear things up.. betty wat u talkinz bout ruinin neonez nite.. no u didnt ... and please dont pretend u think u do cuz im tellin u straight that u didnt...and thas all i realli wanted to say...
well its official.. yall heard it rite heas.. heas da proof... i give up...!!! datz all ima say... im sick of feelin high one moment den da next moment i come crashin down.. its tirin and i dont have the energy fo it...also if u dont find me on aim fo awhilez den u have to realize dat im takin time to mahself... and if its realli necessary ders mah fone.. wateva.. i quit as i tol u
********EDITED to add.. its wateva now.. i mean i do quit.. but i overreacted i suppose... its wateva now.. its jus wateva..

[February 16] -- song: Frankie J - Won't Change --
Formal: Fun: Dance: Setup Bad: High: Togetherness: Low: Isolation: BeforeBefore: Mall, Tie, Coffee: Before: Trang, San, Khanh, Ah Boi, Lisa's, Get Ready, Hair Did: During: Sinit, Lisa, Betty, James, Yen, Olive Garden, Manique, Ignatius: After:Lisa's, Stuff, Home.

[February 14] -- song: Maria - I Give You Take--
im sick of feelin bad
im always here lookn sad
cuz i dont have neone
im always the guy thas wrong
dont kno wat to do
always bein played the fool
i fall and then im rejected
and so i end up here dejected
so wat am i suppose to do

[February 12] -- song:Beyonce - Yes
-- its jus forth and back
do you want me or should i pack
one day you tell me yes
next day i have to guess
you say that you actually may
but its not the same the next day
i dont know what to think
having to predict your next link

can you tell me straight out
saying it without a doubt
i dont wanna be played a fool
but i still want you
i want you to tell me what you feel
and keeping it on the real

you kno im always here for you
but i jus dont wanna be one of your few
who is strung along as you figure out
what person and way of route
im a person with feelings
not just another one of your things
i need to kno what you desire
should water or wood touch the fire
T

[February 11] -- song: Bringing On The Heartbreak: Mariah Carey -- wellz ive decided to write in abstract.. so try to figure it out and tell me wat u tink it means.. or maybe u kno...
ive been hit/ but i guess im unfit/ my mind spins/ im not meant to win/ water spilling out/ as im filled with doubts/ and i dont know what to do/ im just once again the fool/

[February 10] -- song: Milkshake Remix -- okz.. erased the past lolz.. no not realli.. its below.. jus click da past.. THATS EVERYTHING.. from the last year or so.. well nottin to say.. nottin.. sorris... 11:26.. well i do have to say sometin.. i guess i tried impossible..

February 9 -- when i talk to you
i lose all senses and dont kno what to do
you take my breath away
and i stand speechless not knowing what to say
i wanna be your superman
defeating evil holding your hand
i wanna be your movie star
taking you places afar
looking into your eyes
i kno i jus wanna be your guy
wellz derz a poem i made fo someone.. yeaz wellz im still sick..gettin headaches.. sorri if i told you i would be on later.. i didnt cuz i fell asleep and mah head still hurt aftawards so i didnt go on. wellz i dont feel like im capable of makin any rash decisions rite now so dont ask me any important questions.. sorriz lolz..

February 8 -- song: Don't Gotta Go Home: Monica & DMX -- wellz im still sick.. im sick of bein sick.. woke up round 9 had to take mah mom to work.. den got home did hw... went to mall to get sometin.. took thomas to daniel and dennis's. den home.. den lataz went ta eat wit mom, tom, my otha brotha n his girl. it was good.. lolz i luv mah seafood and sushi.. it was a buffet but dey had good stuff.. newayz.. highlight of the day has to Yen callin me askin me how im feelin.. she heard i was sick so she called me.... i was in da car on da way home so i realli couldnt say much plus mah voice was hurtin... i was cheesin.. newayz.. close to bein highlight of day... betty callin me on her BRAND NEW cell phone.. and den der was mah seafood lolz.. but Yen won it.. :)

February 7 -- song: Yeah - Usher -- wellz im tired as fux.. woke up at 630 out da door at 700 got to science olympiad thang at 8 and stayed till 130.. picked up trang and nan ta go to aayat, 30 minutes late, den ta marcs, and den home. took mom to mall and den home.. im jus tired.. and im sick, im not feelin good, and im not havin good feelinsbout things.. so yea my mind is goin round and round and round.. i tinkz ima go to sleep.. its onli 10 but yea im sleepin...

February 6 -- song: My Love is Your Love: Whitney Houston -- wellz i gotta wake up earliz tmrw.. go to solon fo da science ish.. meanin i should get ta studyin.. so if im not online like i usually am den u kno why.... wellz newayz... im gettin dis bad vibe lately.. and so i dont kno nemore... and den im jus not gettin some things... i tinkz ders sometin wrong.. yea im talkin really abstract... but anyways i think that time is a good thing for me rite nowz... so i wonda wat da future holds for me....


February 5 -- song: Alone in this World: Faith Evans -- i feel like shit...im gettin sick.. derz dis red dot on my nose.. i got homework to do.. and im jus like da song say... so i dunst kno nemorez.... and even tho j.lowe say he gonna go wit betty and i was suppose to go wit yen.. derz sumtin funni.. derz sumtin datz like missin.. like sometin left unsaid or sumtin assumed... maybe ppl needta start tellin me stuff???

February 4 -- song: Who Do You Tell : tamia -- wow dont i feel like a shit head.. im here complainin bout some lil shit while some pplz been dealin wit so much.. im sorri pplz... HI Trang.. chek ur gbook... HI Betty.. hope eatin rabbit soup is gonna help you.. HI Yen.. lolz you'll neva like Picasso eva again huhz??.... okz.. so to go to formal or not.. dat is da question... hmmz.... lolz betty is blakmailin me even tho she say i kno sometinz.. so hmmz... lolz... (its complex.. u would have to kno wats up)... i guess i mite as well go to formal HUHZ.. well ionoz lolz... yea its me goin on bout mah petty shit lolz.. but i guess dis is da extent of mah problems rite nowz... so you pplz DONT WORRY BOUT BOTHERIN ME.. cuz i got lots of time lolz... itz kinda nice mah stepfather out and up in chicago.. i realli like not havin him round.. yea i kno it sound all bad and all.. but u aint got no idea how he made me feel like i was a piece of shit.. ask sometime maybe ill explain.. damn i wrote a lot.. okz so on the chance of borin u i will stop now..

February 3 -- song: Make Me Wanna Scream: Blu Cantrell -- je ne sais plus... j'aime nemo mais une autre poisson aime moi et je ne veux pas la blesser... je pense que je n'irai pas a mon formal..ou est nemo?? je la manque. (je ne pense pas que la phrase est exact mais tu sais que je signifie.)

February 2 -- song: High on Life - DJ Encore -- shoutout to Betty.. i hope everytin goes great fo you. okz....... wellz i dont feel like netinz nemore.. i jus feel like shit.. tings havent gone as i wanted them to, but i guess thas not how life goes... so ionoz...*edited

February 1 -- HAPPY BLACK HISTORY MONTH.. u best recognize that... song: In Public - Kelis..... im drained.. skoo i got hw... home im jus dealin wit financial stuff... elsewhere im lonely.. that sums it up.. i dont feel like talkin/typin

January 31 -- Impatient - Blu Cantrell... bizzy ass day... 730 out da door ta take mah lil brotha to his test. den from der target and best buy fo mah mom. (well best buy fo me.. but i ended up not buyin da cd deck cuz i wuznt shure bout it) den pick up mah lil brotha.. went to eat at li wah.. say betty workin... den went home.. had like 15 minutes.. den had to take thomas to his birthday parti.. from there went to da library... den home where i had like 45 minutes.. den went to post office wit mah mom... dayamn ix center had to have sometin goinz on to be block da traffix... got home and took shower to go out... chilled wit yen and betty ... ate at #1 pho, den ta da mall.. den watched findin nemo (part of it) lolz yes its like mah 20th time... den home.. so yea.... well to mo interestin stuff...... wellz BETTY you should go to formal regardless of wat i do.. lolz... she blackmailing me!!!...btw how come its not WHITEMAILING.. lolz im sorri im da diversity kid.... so da thing is dat are things two way or am i jus travelin down a one way road and da otha person dont even notice... YEA lolz nice metaphor.. now u figure it out lolz

January 29 -- Fulltime - Heather Headley -- hmmz lifez complicating... so i dont know anymore.... i mean yea but then no.. so ... i give up.. so wat am i suppose to do..T

January 28 -- I Don't Mind -- Ashanti -- i wouldve sent that song out ta some1 but afta talkin ta someone iono nemo.. itz like things are unshure rite nowz.. errz o wellz.... i tinks ima throw out all tvs from my life lolz.. its depressing.. tv is that is.. nottin is good... and den da shows dat are always got sometin dat makes me sad.. so yeaz.. i tinkz ill quit watchin tv.... newayz... ionoz.. i may be tinkinz too much like mah horoscope say... iono maybe im not tinkinz enuff.. i quit.. i sux at life lolz..so wats da point...

January 27 -- song: Can I Get A Fuck You -- jay-z.... wellz u kno gotta get da ol skoo once in a while.. newayz.. ionoz SNOW DAY.. it was like dayamn.. i went to skoo and saw noonez.. took james home cuz he was der.. and jus went home.. did some hw.. went to pick up mah prelude.. den mo hw.. new layout... and sleep.. den dats it.. hehehehe ionoz simplest things make me mo cheery.. like calls from certain pplz.. talkinz to certain pplz.. yeaz.. lolz.. o wellz... dats da short of it.. need mah sleep... T

January 25: At Night -- song: white flag - dido... lolz i guess im turnin to poppish lately.. no not realliz lolz.. jus da lyrics of dat song.. but iono i guess im not feelin dat song no mo.. lolz i mite b feelin somtin else.. but den again it mite be all an illusion. i hope its mutual.. but its prob not.. im not lookin for sympathy either.. ijus kno the real world and im not on top in da real world.. im in da negatives lolz.. o wellz its life.. sleepin...

January 25 -- song: Toxic - britney spears. I aint gonna front.. dis song catchy lolz.. but she still cant sing.. its not like dis song u need ta have a voice lolz... and u kno i gotta support mah azn folkz.. korean director directed the music video. Joseph Kahn.. yupz AZN power. lolz.. speaking of AZNs.. i was lookin at stats at skoo and ders like 10 seniors, 11 juniors (im so proud), 5 sophmores, and only 4 freshman who were Asian/Indian and were willing to take this survey... itz sad. they best get mah azn ppls up lolz.... so it was a total of like 30 azns, 28 blacks, and 26 hispanics.. sad.. out of 1400... newayz.. anotha azn thang.. went ta bo loong and den st. boniface yesterday fo da viet stuff.. Yen and Betty went wit... well betty went wit Hengwei at first, but yen wuznt havin dat lolz... IM SORRY YEN.. she wasnt exactly the most happy person yesterday.. hmmz... ionoz.. how should i make it up ta ya Yen ?? newayz.. i got a fuckin huge load of hw i should be gettin done... i tinkz ima do it... Tan.

Jan. 21 -- damn it i jus got a fuxin paper cut... newayz.. song: I Give You Take - Maria -- wellz dayamn new years tmrw.. time go way too fast... i like viet new yrz a lot betta den da "regular" one... ionoz jus dat it feels mo like new years to me.. lolz mah brotha was like why dont u clean ur room cuz its new years.. lolz and im tinkinz.. okz.... and lolz and u knoz wat tho.. ill prob clean mah room tooz... newayz.. skoo okz i guess... ionoz im jus not feelin mahself lateli.. or maybe dis is mahself and ive been actin all along.. <-- aint dat confusin..... i got a haircut.. tired of "long" hair.. yeaz.. datz bout it....

January 20 -- song: Jay and Jane -- ionoz... im feelin loneli... like i need some1.. but i deciphered dat mah standards are way too dayamn high for who i am ritez now.. cuz ders dis one girl who is mah standard.. but she will neva like me.. so i guess i cant compare all girlz to dis one girl... newayz.. i guess im goin to formals... ionoz... it kinda feelz funni.. and i have a feelin dat der was like not legitimate reasons dat dey asked me... it getz complicated... newayz.. on a lighter note... i got a pocket pc.. wellz at least till da end of da skoo year lolz.. cuz im in ap french and we get dem.. so its nice.. (pocket pc= pda well not realliz).. well datz it.. saturday gonna be interestin i tinkz.. newayz yesterday went ta mall ta get me clothes.. betty helped.. dden she gone got me lost to mentor wen she wanted to go to mayfield.. lolz..itz aitez.. and yesterday was MARTIN LUTHER KING JR DAY.. yall betta appreciate him... i shure do..

January 18 -- song: I Don't Mind - Ashanti -- wow.. i hate da feelinz dat i NEED someone in mah life.. cuz i kno i can survive.. but mayb its cuz valentines day is comin up and den sinits got his girl.. and its a lot of things i guess.. hmmz.. o wellz.. yen tinkz dat im picky.. and i sorta am.. but not realliz.. i WILL admit dat im shallow jus like ne other guy.. yen admited GIRLS ARE SHALLOW TOO.. so yeaz lolz.... o u knoz wat tmrwz is.. MARTIN LUTHER KING JR. DAY.. u best rep him.. YOU KNO DAT 80,000 DISCRIMINATION CASES ARE FILED EVERY YEAR.. yea but we dont hear anything of it cuz the WHITE media dont wanna say netinz..newayz.. i was talkinz ta Ida and she put me to shame lolz tellin me i shouldve known wat soldier of fortune is.. o wellz... lolz MAYBE I WILL FIND OUT WAT THAT IS

January 17 -- song: Empty - Janet Jackson -- dont life sux... i jus wanna live in da movies or sumtinz.. dey always have happi endings dont dey??? i wish i could have a happy ending.. damn it... watevas.. im jus sick of everytin .. ionoz.. newayz.. i jus feel like stayin in dis weekend.. i should prob get mah haircut soonz.. im kinda lazi tho.. and den monday i got a science olympiad meeting thingy.. dey call it a "practice" lolz like we a sports team.. yea... i donst tink im joinin a sports team netime soon.. got too many prejudices der... ask me if u wanna kno wat im talkinz bout.. ima jus stick ta intramurals.. lolz. even if im not good at dat.. o wellz.. errz.. iono wat ima do.. im broke.. well not reallyz.. but i say im broke so i dont spend money.. lolz.. ionoz maybe i do need ta get out da house or i mite go krzy... yeaz... well i did sorta todai.. grandmotha took family to double dragon buffet on behalf of mah birthday.. yeaz.. so der i saw da sunlight lolz..(joke).... o wellz writez lataz..

January 16 -- song: Stay - Destinys Child -- ive juz been feelin morally depressed lately... da world sickens me.. i dont feel like doin much.. i canst get ta doin much.. i dont wanna go out.. dont realliz feel like talkinz.. jus dont feel like doinz netinz... yeaz..

January 15 -- song: sleep in the middle - blu cantrell -- wellz finals suxed like it werent nottinz todai... i hated dem... actualli i aint hate dem.. i jus aint do too good.. n i got like two sorta hard ones tmrw too.. damn me being dumb....9:48pm... wellz i quit studyin lolz.. talkin ta ida.. shes koo lolz.. yeaz.. lolz.. winter formal does not belong in a sentence with my name realliz lolz...

January 14 -- song: I Don't Mind - Ashanti -- finals.. damn dem lolz.. i got a B on mah french final.. the average was an 82.. so i guess im okz... mah grade is like a 90.89 so hopefulli ima be pushed to dat A- since dats wat mr. turner do sometimez... newayz.. i got 3 muthafuxin tests tmrw.. math.. theology (yea lolz im laughin tooz..) and AP Bio {-- datz da one im most worried bout... o wellz.... i best be goinz.. nite nitez..

January 13 -- wellz nottinz ta write boutz realli.. finals boutsta be tmrws.. ima be stressed... o wellz.. i should be studyin.. newayz.. ummz wellz yea.. i tol u NOTTINZ...

January 9 -- tankz fo all those who wished me a happy day.. it was January 7... im 17.. dayamn.. its like in one mo year ima have ta face bein an adult.. dats mad responsibilities.. i dont wanna grow upz... lookin back on mah 16th year of live i reflect::: one of the best years of mah life i mus admit.. met new friends.. grew closer to some.. departed from others.. but i believe ive made the rite choices.. i've had my downs ..i.e. mah step-dad.. i've had my ups.. gettin my license... i grew up to be mo of a radical and rights supporter, and speakin mah mind... i found who be da people who talk behind mah bakz.. and i found who would support me no mattaz wat... so i really liked dis year... hopin mah next one is even betta.. who knoz......

January 7 -- wellz tingz been bizzy as fux fo me... skoo jus gone and took it ova once again.. well hopefully afta next week it'll settle down.. i got finals next week dats why... den derz all mah extracurriculas i gotta do.. ummz wellz.. ionoz how come tingz gotta become complicated.. iono.. derz dis situation of a friend of minez.. and i dont kno wat ta do.. cuz i wanna give advice and yet not at da same time cuz its hard.. n mah advice mite be jus all wrong.. errz.. on anotha note.. i jus thought to mahself.. and realized.. ive been runnin fo so long now... no wonda im tired... i run from everytinz... from scary situations, from situations i dont like, from places i dont wanna go.. damn it.. (its mo referrin ta some certain situations) mayb i should jus deal dem head on and jus learn from mah mistake.. i guess im too damn afraid of failure.. i needsta loosen up maybez.. watevaz.. ima jus let it flo..

I'm sorriz fo netin ive done to neonez... i guess im jus a fool... i dont deserve ne of u.. i'm sorriz... (and i aint tryin ta be no drama person.. itz mah sincere plead..)....

January 3 -- song im feelin: dip it low ~ Christina Milian -- wellz i guess life aint bad... 3 went ta kim's cuz calvin's bday...4 left ta take sinit ta work... 5 got home n jus did mah thang... 10 went ta pik up thomas.. den went ta pick up betty and sinit..den took dem home and me home... yen askin me why i feel uncomfortable round her.. and ionoz i tinkz ders sumtinz der.. i guess i should ponder bout it lolz.. on anotha subject.. itz like i need someone ta focus on or ima go psycho cuz da person i was focusin on is hooked up.. i suriouzly am gonna go krzy lolz... dont tink im obsessive tho lolz.. two different tingz... eRrz.. watch u gonna find me in an insane asylum and den people gonna be like.. "oh so sad.. " lolz.. aitez im done...

January 2 -- hmmz not bad day... went ta toys r us, mall, target, marshalls, tj max, advanced auto parts, and sinits work ta eat... it was sinit and betty and me... yupz dats da short of it.... on anotha note.. iono wats wit me.. iono itz like im "lonely" but i guess im not.. iono.. itz complicated.. o wellz

January 1 -- welpz anotha year.. anotha losin season fo me.. or i meanz.. yea watevaz... ionoz its gradually gettin betta (life).. but iono.. i jus aint cuttin it... yea aint i confusin.. o wellz.. newayz........... new years did da fam thang.. tues i went ta parmatown wit yen, lisa, betty, and sinit.. den ta hien's house.. den ta steak and shake.. and den lisa's house.. den home.. yupz dats da short of it..

December 26 -- i went ta southpark wit betty n sinit todaiz.. i got lost as usual.. U KNO if dey onli switch da damn 7 to a 1 lolz.. 71 not 77. 71 not 77. lolz... and den we wuz on da off ramp fo like 30 minutes.. to many dayamn folkz tryin ta shop lolz... i aint get netinz tho.. was lookin fo sumtin but aint find it.. o wellz... hmmz.. den dropped sinit off at his job and went ta li wah wit betty.. she was suppose ta meet sum1 up der.. but she couldnt.. den i jus went home.. and dat was it.. not bad day... aitez..

December 20 -- well it was officialized that i am dumb.. got a 1390.. i do sound like a snob by sayin that.. but the thing is is that i kno i can come betta than that.. o wellz... todai was koo.. 2 went ta aayat meetinz.. i suppose im a intern.. lolz i accidentally hit da delete fo mah email.. den afta dat jus stayed round house fo awhilez till i went round 8 wit melissa ta some stores.. she got some stuff.. i aint chill wit her in a minute.. dayamn i miss mah ol frienz... i jus wonda wat wouldve it been like if i aint go ta ignatius... o wellz aitez im out..

December 15 -- ionoz.. i thought thingz thru.. and i realize dat i stress bout stuff say.. mah psat score (i got a 197 btw.. datz not good.. well not good enuff fo me).. i stress cuz i fell dat datz who i am.. dat ive become da "intelligent guy" and if i aint..den wat do i have left?? im not da funni guy.. not da smooth guy.. not da good lookin guy.. aint no musician.. and so where do dat leave me?? NOWHERE so datz why im afraid.. i mean i did lose 2,000 dollas in scholarship bah not bein good on dis test.. but i couldnt have helped it.. maybe if i studied. but i aintz.. cuz i alwayz do bad on tests like these.. it sux cuz i kno im betta than that.. o wellz.. aitez.. nitez... "Sometimes I think.. and think.. and I realize that maybe I shouldn't think."

December 14 -- not bad weekend.. altho im crunchin hw ritez now.. i got so much shit fo hw in dis next week b4 break.. tankz buddha ders break... friday i went wit betty ta best buy and walmart and ta sinits work ta chill.. da sushis good.. i want some mo lolz.. da wassabi is strong tho... den saturday mah nephews bday so i jus chilled wit mah bro's fam fo awhilez... and todaiz i aint do shit but i did have ta take mah mom places.. and hw.. so datz it... i got so much shit ta do.. i best take it a step at a time.. ionoz i realized dat a lot of da timez i make mahself feel down.. cuz like der aint nuttinz wrong in mah life.. maybe no girlfriend, no money, and mah stepdads alwayz been trippn on me.. but i meanz i shouldve gotten use ta it.. o wellz... i best be goinz..

December 11 -- wellz im happi.. cuz im gonna get me a new phone soon... yeaz.. o i mite get a new numba then.. ill tell ya if i do... newayz.. tmrw i tinkz me n betty goinz up ta sinits ta eat and watevaz.. den sunday we prob watch a movie... see i got dis dbq to fit between the weekend sometime.. i also want to chill wit melissa on saturday tho.. so MELISSA IF YOU READIN DIS call me or sumtinz.. aitez.. well datz bout it..

December 7 -- todaiz mah mom's bday....wellz i realized why ive been down fo awhilez now... i figured out dat i try ta take on da world's problems.. and i couldnt solve dem.. and so i was mad at dat... i also realized dat i needsta kinda mature in the sense that things dont crash and burn wit jus one thing...
December 4 -- yea...

December 2 -- sometimes i wonda if i ova exaggerate things ta mahself.. iono i guess im feelinz betta.. but it mite be temporarily.... who knoz.. i tinkz im jus tinkinz too much at timez.. dont give me time to tinkz.. cuz den i tink too hard and break down... i really do tinkz i must be exagerratin ish or sumtinz.. i also realized im very clingy.. yea... u figure it out..

December 1 -- dayamn a notta month already... break.. break down.. break break down... "why am i fighting to live when im jus living to fight" im feelin dat bad dat i cant even make mah own words like i usually do

November 26 -- im tired of feelin crappyz.. i really am.. wateva.. ima jus be straight up nowadayz.. ionoz.. i been feelin lonely.. mayb its jus da holidays how it makes u want some1 in ur life.. o wellz.. im still friggin young lolz.. so yeaz..hmmz.. mah horoscope said dat i should be tru ta people and really tell dem how i feel bout dem.. are dey tryin ta destroy mah life lolz?? i mean reallyz.......o wellz... i aint i wont i didnt... aitez not much... iono wat ima do tmrwz.. been a home bodi latelyz..jus dont feel it.. u knoz.. "the real aint nuttinz great"

November 22 -- i kinda feel bad lolz.. i lost track of time and was late ta pickin up sinit.. hes boss had ta stick around .. i hope his boss dont get angry.. o wellz. i guess.... todai wuz bizzy. had dentist appt. den went ta da mall.. den pick up mah title.. den take da lil kids ta bowlin.. den ta Kims house.. Calvin so koo lolz.. he dont cry much.... den i went ta Dave & Busters wit mah brotha and his frienz.. datz where i lost track of time.. pick up sinit (went frm westlake ta cleveland hts. in bout 28 minutez lolz).. den got home n decided not ta go ta bo loong cuz im jus tired.. u kno wat i realized.. i drive bout 200 miles a week.. datz a lot of freakin miles... yea im not gonna elaborate on netinz todai.. i tink da entry below is a lot mo interestin.. and im still tinkin thru that.. aitez..."The Real Aint Nuttinz Great"

November 20, -- i swear im goin crzy.. mentally crzy... iono nemo... da dream i had was crzy.. it was like tanksgivin and i had to get mah mom ta make a dish fo mah frien ta bring in ta dis skoo tingy lolz.. dat in itself is weird.. well den it was like one of those suspense things where i jus got der last minute.. lolz actually i was like an hour late.. somehow da frien i was suppose ta give it to was able to stall fo an hour and so in technicality i wasnt late.. newayz.. i gave it ta her. stayed fo da "parti" and der was like two otha people we wuz sittin at like a square table and feedin each otha across tha table. me n dis girl. and den her best frien and dis otha guy.. well den somehow she sensed i liked her and came ova to my side and we began to "cuddle". she was holin my hands and stuff.. n den i woke up... i swr it felt like i was holdin her hands wen i was like wakin up.. im goin mental i tink.. lolz i tink im goin psycho.. lolz mo den b4.... o wellz.... NEWAYZ der was dis one FIONE girl at mahs koo todai. she was shadowin a teacher cuz she wanted to like become a teacher. i mean E'ERYONE was starin dis girl was fine. lolz. as u can see all da boiz at da skoo are very jumpy wen a girl comes ta da skoo.. lolz we dont get many visits from girls.... den wen i was walkin ta mah car. i saw melissa. and fo a second der i aint realize it was her. cuz like i was like whos yellin hi ta me. lolz.. i feel so bad... see i was expectin her ta be in da white convertible.. o wellz.. SORRI melissa.. datz bout it.. i tink im stuck in dis weekend cuz i got so much shitty hw due on monday. got an 8 page report due.. o wellz.

November 19 -- eRr.. rite u kno how i like ta help ppl out ritez.. well last week i let him get mah pre-lab for a lab we had to do.. cuz we do a pre-lab, then actually do the lab.. then write out the results of the lab afta it.. well newayz.. he goes and jus COPIES it and turns it in.. wtf.. da teacher den wrote "see me" on da papa.. ritez its like wtf.. and so i see her and she started talkin ta me bout how it should be so much tha same.. swrz.. muthafucka so dumb.. how he gonna leave it da same as mine... wateva... newayz... i thought i had tues off next week.. but turns out i dont.. o wellz...not much ta say...

November 17 -- sometimes i wonder wat if.. wat if i had said sometin i was holdin bak.. wat if i told da truth all da time.. wat if da person im infactuated bak actually cares about me too.. iono nemore...i feel like im on the brink of breakin down again.. i had a breakdown like rite afta da retreat and i feel one mo comin..iono nemo.. ken iz helpin me a lot tho.. TANX... "The Real Aint Nuttinz Great"

November 16 -- if you wanna read bout mah day den read as follow.. if you wanna see how i feel scroll down... wellz i got tomrwz off.. and so i got hw.. like usual.. fri i went ta da Gym Jamboree at mah skoo.. it was aite. left bout 7 den went ta bo loong fo da aayat thang.. it wasnt netinz special.. but da ppl dat wuz der made it so.. iono if u get wat im tryin ta get at.. but watevaz.. saturday i jus went ta da mall wit mah fam.. n todai went bowlin wit sinit, betty, yen, lisa, and jason.. it was straight.. altho ill tell u dis.. i sux at bowlin..den went ta betty's house.. actually we did otha stuff but u can check out betty's ish fo da details.. i dont tink ders need heaz... datz it..

wellz ive been feelin real grimey latelyz.. iono dis person jus gets to me.. i mean im happy wen im wit dis person. even if its jus like lookin at dem... but den i realize i dont got a chance in hellz... and den i become depressed againz... and i was tinkinz ta mahself i cant help dat can i? no way am i eva gonna change fo some1 and yet even tho these feelinz really strong.. i mean dey been der fo a whilez.. i jus gonna have ta let it flo..datz y i aint been talkative nor really like mahself.. watevaz.. "The Real Aint Nottinz Great"
November 8, 2003 -- wellz.. got me a car.. got me a car.. lolz its purple tho.. its koo i cant be picky tho cuz i gots me no money... yea but im still feelinz down.. da kairos jus got me down.. b4 it i was all happy boutz life n everytinz.. but den i come back realizin im shit.. i got shit.. i treat ppl like shit.. like i realize how much mah mom does.. and i cry cuz its jus unfair. she has to work so hard to do the same tingz dat otha moms do.. cuz she gots such a crappy job.. shes gotta work ovatime.. and it killz me wen she comes home sayin her back hurts and all.. damn it ... why'z life gotta be so unfair to her.. den derz mah stepdad who doesnt help.. o wellz.................. THANK YOU LETTER WRITERs... esp sinit and nick.. i was soo moved by da letters.. n den ta find out sinit actually kept watch on da car.. damn it sinit u jus too damn good of a friend... lolz not to sound homosexual or netinz.. but i luv u both.. lolz in a brotherly way.. and not no fraternity brotherly, nor priest - member kind of way.. (lolz i still take jabs at organizations i detest as u can see)... aitez dats it.. "the real aint nottinz great"

November 7, 2003 -- happy bday olda brotha... wellz i jus got bak from retreat.. jus like a brainwash i felt.. newayz da onli real problem was wit lettas.... i write bout da retreat wen im feelin betta ask if u care.. den i got home n da car was gone.. i freaked out but found out brotha had it.. he took it cuz he realized he left 600 in it.. eRr .. den called him and asked if he could pick me up.. well he couldnt den i called step dad.. da fam was in parmatown mall.. dat was farawy so took bus.. da ppl so nice.. i forgot how nice they could be.. den walked da 10 streets ta get home cuz i kept tellin dem where i was but dey were slo.. so i walked.. and so dey didnt realize i walked..wateva.. got lectured wen i got home.. no welcome. no hi. no love.. wateva... ill talk lata... da emptiness inside.. da emptiness of color.. da emptiness... "The Real Aint Nottinz Great"

October 28, 2003 -- i jus aint been feelin good lately.. im sick ... n den i heard sometinz to make me sick... ppl change so much... itz so stupid wat happened too... wateva... n den somtin jus happened datz makin me sad.. i was listenin to a song and readin sumtinz and guess wat it was like on da same line... iono itz jus creepy.. newayz.. i tinkz im chillin wit sinit, betty, yen, and prob som mo ppl on halloween.. lolz sinit makin me a car costume.. dey didnt tink i would b in fo it.. shoot.. itd be mos definantely different.. i guess ill jus see wat happenz.. swrz been on rollacoaster nowadayz.... "The Real Aint Nuttin Great"

October 23, 2003...wellz lookz like ima b busi dis weekend.. i guess.. err been buzy wit skoo all week.. mayb i shouldve takin dis weekend off.. err guess no break fo me.. newayz i heard couple dayz ago dat sum body was talkn bout me behind mah back.. sayin dat im like snobby by not talkin ta sum ppl.. damn it... #1 ummz i dont do dat. shiet i talk ta e'eryone.. #2. who da hell is u talkin behind mah back.. too scurred?? jus like trang puts it.. a bitch dat talk behind mah bak is a bitch too scurred to be fuxed wit... wateva.... and #3 where da hell dyou get off tinkinz i can talk ta e'eryone at da skoo.. u must not be dat much of a priority ta talk to if i dont talk to u.. i bet u is one of dem boiz dat tinks everytinz bout him and dat da world gotta be at ur feet. fux u... NEWAYZ.. lookz like im gettin a new car since i aint have mah car in a long minute heaz lolz.. so mah grandfatha helpin out and buyin me a car. dis weekend im suppose ta go look round.. im not gonna mention mah otha planz fo da weekend cuz dey pretty much unconfirmed... wateva happenz happenz....... "The Real Aint Nottin Great"

October 22, 2003 -- HAPPY BIRTHDAY JIM ROWELL... too bad u vomitin and sick... hope u getz betta... okz.. well itz cold.. huge ass final tmrw.. i should go study.. i gotta do lots of stuff.. o wellz.. nottinz but skoo latelyz.. wanna se scary movie 3.. hint hint... lolz.. ima go stundy

October 18, 2003 -- hmm... jus came bak from bowling.. it was like da hip bowling wit da music, lights and ish.. lolz u kno wat im talkin bout.. itz koo but like itz 15 a person.. and dat seem xpensive to me i guess.. itz like 11 to 1 unlimited bowling tho.. so if u up fo it itz good. dayamn dis week had itz highs and a lot of lows i guess.. i mean mah grades slowly goin up.. but like i was fuxin mad at times and i get bored at home lolz.. plus i like was a slacker.. but wateva.. shit i go on retreat on Nov 4.. datz bullshit to me cuz i dont wanna go.. itz not like im catholic... err and da kidz der jus pssin me off mo as da weekz go by.. i guess i should jus stay away from certain ppl who soo fuxkin two faced. aitez dats it fo now.. cuz im tired.

October 12, 2003 -- dayamn itz early in da mornin.. ITz 10:30 lolz..im onli writin cuz i had a weird ass dream.. or at least i tinkz its a dream.. ill explain dat lata. newayz i was like in chicago at like some mall or sumtinz.. stopped der b4 i had to go to a party.. i was goin round lookin at jewelry stores.. and like im out da mall and find i mah hand a necklace dat spells someone's name.. u kno wat dem are..so i wonder if dat has ne meanin.. den all of a sudden im in anotha buildin runnin away from mah mom who was tryin ta take me to dis one lady.. it was dat i feared dis lady was gonna have a daughter or sumtinz and dat we would be set up lolz.. but den it turns out dat da lady was a fortune teller and tol me mah fortune.. she said i was gonna end up wit dat person who i had da necklace fo.. and den she said dat like sometime afta i got married to dat girl.. dat i was gonna end up goin ta a funeral to one of mah frienz..which is really saddenin to think dat neone of us could die soo young. (im guessin dis round or late 20s lolz).. see iono how much control of dis dream i had if ne at all... cuz like it felt like i could change da name of da person dat was gonna die.. mayb i couldnt mayb i jus thought i could.. who knoz...

October 11, 2003 -- same ol same ol.. datz why mah sitez been up and down.. and i havent written in a minute. but im back fo nows.. new layout wont be done fo awhilez.. newayz.. i went up ta wilbur wright yestaday.. damn i miss dat skoo.. onli got to talk to two teachers.. mrs. kearney and mrs. ego-meyer (or sumtinz like dat).. lolz she WAS ms. klucas.. spent like an hour and half up der jus talkin ta dem two teachers lolz.. ritez me and sinit went up der at 1 but nooo muthafuxers like u gotta come back at 245.. so we jus went ta parmatown ta da arcade.. i aint been in der foeva.. den we went bak ta wilbur wright.. den ta play pool.. and dat was it.. not so thrillin ta readers aye lolz.. life's jus been up and down fo me.. iono nemo.. and ive not written foeva.. like poetry or music.. i use ta at least write one a week.. iono maybe itz cuz im too busy or mayb im jus not havin inspiration.. which scarez da hell out of me.. im not one dat writes wen i say i do.. i write wen i feel like it.. like wen da feelin ta write comes.. o wellz. i guess it corresponds wit mah feelins lately.. jus bein icky.. up and downs.. dont kno how i feel bout some tings at timez.. (in actuality i kno one reason why ive been feelin like dis.. but i aint gonna say.. i kno itz childish.. but it feelz like ders so much on da line if i do say sumtinz.. itz complicatin.. jus let it be and see how it playz..) aitez dats enuff fo today

September 25, 2003 -- well ive juz been bizzy krzy.. no time nemo.. hw has taken everythang frum me lolz den i got classes 3-6 on tuesdays at tri-c.. and lookz like ima start takin nail classes.. and b workin on weekends at dat and wen i get mah license work on weekends shiet wherez mah teen years goin lolz.. i jus need a vacation already.. damn it.. lolz .. i swr im an overachiever.. like i feel like i needta do everythang..iono.. like how e'eryone seem ta got a job n all and i feel like i should have one.. lolz.. and dat wasnt even da reason im startin nail skoo.. im startin nail skoo cuz mah bro insisted on it.. owellz.. i jus feel like i gotta be like near da top in thangz.. its eventually gonna tire me out and kill me lolz.. watch....

September 24, 2003 -- i swr.. u kno i thought dat goin ta an all boiz skoo and like a prep skoo dat der wouldnt be so much two faced pplz.. but ders mo der.. it psses me off.. dese ppl who pretend ta be ur friend den gonna like be downin u cuz u dont do sumtin.. if dey is ur friend den dey should kno dat u wouldnt do it no matta wat cuz of da type of person u iz.. wateva.. sumtimez i jus wanna be like hey bitch u needta stop talkin frum both sides.. cuz dey jus run dey mouths like da aol icon.. lolz dat was fuxin corny.. but i was jus tinkin of how some website had ta take dat icon down cuz aol wuldnt let dem put it up.. it was publicity fo aim too but wateva.. back ta da subject.. it seemz dat da kidz at mah skoo even mo frontin cuz dey been taught ta be nice to e'eryone.. u kno dat dat aint alwayz tru in public skoo.. u jus do wateva lolz.. i miss it..

September 19, 2003 -- dayamn im like been tinknz too much or sumtinz.. it seemz like dat half da world is EXTREMELY priviledged and gots e'erythang, while tha otha half got jack shit. And im in da half dat got jack shit. i mean suriouzly tho.. n im talkn mo than materialism heaz..fux it i got no time ta tink nemoz.. at least hopefulli.. next week i start mah classes at tri-c.. on tuesdays frum 3-6.. programmn ish.. n rite nowz im jus bizzy wit so much ish ta do.. hopefulli i wont be tinknz too much.. i jus get down wen i be doin that tho.. who knoz

August 17, 2003 -- iono decided to write jus ta write.. itz like how come da worldz gotta be so ruff.. ionoz.. how come u neva get wat u really want.. and i have a feelin ill neva get wat i really want.. hmm.. hard ta get inta it witout givin it away.. o wellz.. despite dis version bein "personal" i think some thingz betta left unsaid.

August 16, 2003 -- well i finished mah hw and turned it in at 9 dis mornin.. i was up till 3:30 last nite finishin it.. happy im done. today went ta da mall wit trang and nan.. den we went ta see rany and da baby... da babi is so small.. congrats btw.. its hard ta imagine we wuz eva that small..mang mah stepdad trippn again.. i swr.. he leavez da house and den dont tell noone hes gone and expects me ta babysit witout askin.. den wen i was bousta bounce i call him askin where he wuz.. it took dat bitch mo den 2 hours ta get shit.. well i call him and ask.. he started gettin mad at me and shiet.. wateva.. so i had ta wait till he got home to get out.. den hes gonna be lecturin me.. hate dat shiet.. itz mo complicated jus dont wanna get into it.. im tired as fuck..well i went ta movies wanted to see freddy vs jason.. wouldnt let me in.. instead saw s.w.a.t. kinda blah.Mah webcam is bein funni

August 13, 2003... well im back.. should be doin hw.. but had to write in here..got in yesterday.. krzy tho.. almost missed mah connection in detroit.. stupid delays.. den wen i got home did nottin but catch up lolz.. saw mars yesterday..made me wish i had som1 here wit me to look at the stars wit... thanx trang fo tellin me bout it.. its damn bright fo a planet.. da red made it look koo.. different.. well i start skoo monday.. annoyin.. still wanna go ta cedar point..hmm jus been sortin stuff out latelyz... talkin ta nan rite now.. u kno shez really good at this advice shietz... lolz.. thanx.. well not much ta say cuz i should start hw.. write lata.

| August 8 |

hmm iono where ta begin... well yesterday was jus ordinary.. den da train..hmm.. see mah brotha was gonna go when the lights started blinkin,, since on the other side it was a green light, but there were cars dat like were slow... den da rails started coming down.. u kno dem train crossing rails.. and it hit the car.. mah bro had to put da car in reverse and get out of the trains way.. seemed like in two mo minutes i wouldnt been attached to dat train... i was nervous as fuck.. itz not da onli time ive been on da tracks wen da lights be blinkin... da otha time was wit mah step dad.. he got lost downtown and so started to find his way out. and he was preoccupied or sumthin but he jus ran over da rails even tho tha lights were blinkin and everythin.. it was scary as fuck yesterday.. o wellz.. im alive iono afta it, i was jus tinkin and it seem like some stuff be so unimportant if u think bout da fact dat at nemoment u can be gone.. lolz sounds old but i didnt really get it like till yesterday... da cars got two dents on da roof where da rails hit it..newayz... b4 dat i was so happy .. i had gotten an email from her and i was jus smilin like it werent nottin wen i was readin her words.. n den lata dat day mah sista in law decides to call.. cuz ppl like messin wit me.. but we had a nice talk..iono she like has dis effect on me.. wheneva i read her words or hear her voice all i can do is smile and be cheesy lolz.. it sux .. shes gotta live in omaha.. o wellz.. lolz man iono but i was jus crackin up bout dis staples commercial.. its stupid funni tho.. da one where da mom is cardboard since shes out shoppin, but its at a soccer game.. iono why its soo funni to me.. im jus stupid like dat lolz...well datz it..im out..

| August 5 |

well aint been doin shiet fun latelyz.. been doin lotz of hw.. lolz im soo happy tho cuz tha track im on it seem like i mite actually be done wit da shiet i wanted to be done wit b4 i get home so i can have fun at home... man sinit watz wit ur imz.. keep imin mah cell wit some bullshit huhz.. u wanna start shiet lolz.. and u runaway b4 i answer too.. lolz man u best come online wen im on da computer.. geez i got lotz mo hw ta do.. itz mah own fault fo procrastinatin lolz.. eRr.. i tried ta write todai ritez.. i onli got da 1st verse and chorus down.. im losin it lolz.. eitha that or im jus not bein creative... o wellz ill eventually get dat one song done.. itz alwayz like dat fo me... man i hate mosquitoz.. them muthafuckaz gonna bite me three timez... they itchy too...supposedly i mite be goin ta houston in a couple dayz.. hmm datd be interestin.. i neva went der.. or newhere in da southwest. heard derz mad viets down there.. shoot itd be nice i tinkz..well itz not like ne1 readz dis newayz.. im out.

| August 4 |

been thinkin bout som1 way too much.. ionoz its like i cant help it.. really aint gonna be too talkative boutz it.. jus gonna say itz aggravatin cuz ill be tryin to do sumthin and den datz all dat i can do is think.. itz like damn.. ionoz.. im a pretty borin person lolz.. aitn do netinz fo awhilez.. been TRYIN ta catch up wit hw i gotta do.. but da word is tryin and it aint workin... u kno wat song i been really feelin is R.Kelly's I'll Never Leave..want ta dedicate it ta Thu.. altho u prob havin ur funz lolz.. n i doubt u eva seen mah site.. but itz aite baby.. i miss you tho.. iono itz jus good.. i aint really like R.Kelly b4 that.. i mean ignition was good but it got played out but datz all i can really rememba dat was good from him.. actually fiesta too... HEY SINIT if uz readin dis u SUX.. lolz talkin bout dem movies rite.. well i got up in da middle of da nite ta use da bathroom.. den wen i got in bed all i could tink of wuz dem imagez.. lolz.. i got to sleep an hour lata.. but that meant i got up an hour lata lolz.. mista...lolz itz jus dat fo dat hour datz all dat i saw was dem imagez ... lolz.. but i got mah sleep so i aint bitta..well im out.

| August 2 |

aint it funni how one event can change ur whole day... at first i talked ta her yesterday.. n she was cold as fux.. lolz well den i wuz ova mah brotha's wife's siter-in-law's parent's house.. lolz did dat make ne sense.. well newayz yea dey wuz drunk.. n sumhow they got teasin me bout girlz and stuff.. and anh dung startz ta dial her numba.. and he handz me da phone.. i start talkin ta her and asked if she knew i called yesterday.. she talkin bout how she thought i was her ex... hmmm.. lolz.. kinda does sound convient... o wellz.. i missed her and jus ta talk ta her.. like actually talk ta her made me happy... lolz i was bitter and salty earlierz.. i guess datz why u gotsta make shure u got ur story straight all da time..not netin eventful heaz.. suriouzly nottinz lolz.. itz aite tho.. gettin stuff done..pplz i miss e'eryone...cant wait ta be in da 216.. even if it meanz itz closa ta skoo time.. eRr i go ta skoo da 18.. damn e'eryone else goin baxk da 29 lolz..dang da private skooz.. lolz i was gonna put damn.. but u kno it bein a catholic skoo i mitve been damned mahself lolz.. aitez.. see how im jus goin on and on bout shietz.. lolz i miss her.. i miss cle folkz.. i missed mah home lolz. aitez itz on. till lata..

| August 1 |

wellz i aint write fo awhilez.. jus aint been feelin like it.. ionoz i aint been feelin mahself much eitha.. been doin lots of hw and thinkin lately too.. iono i think that thinkin too much can be a problem too.. i mean it seems like i be krzy at times.. o wellz..cant wait till i go back ta cleveland.. miss everythin that feels home to me.. mah house. mah room. mah friens. mah fam.. man i hate dial up too.. so i miss mah computer lolz.. not much to say.. i think this version shows exactly wat im doin rite nowz... Finding Myself.. forget Finding Nemo lolz i gotsta Find Myself first. July 4, 2003.. independence day..Well its like 10pm.. i aint out on da lake or wateva ta see da fireworks cuz im tired and like i aint wanna go cuz its lots of da lil kids in da family and i aint ready ta deal wit it lolz.. im jus tired.. went ta sleep round 3 den woke up at 8.. dats extremely unusual for me.. cuz i need like 8 hrz of sleep.. yea it do sound a lot.. im jus not use to not having sleep.. had family bbq and stuff today @ mah grandfatherz.. it was aite. not much ta say.. i gotta go to dis family thing ta celebrate eitha one of mah grandparents bday tmrw.. den on sunday da otha grandparent's.. its all dressy and shiet.. i hate bein dressy.. mah feel is that if we the ones payin how come we cant feel comfortable like in casual clothes.. wateva.. boojee shiet.. lolz i dont even kno how ta spell dat word.. but like pretendin ta be rich when u eitha came from poor or u poor.. ? u kno da word?? well datz bout it.

[JUNE 2003]



[7/01/2003]

[Occupied] watchin dog eat dog
[listening] Are You Happy Now - Michelle Branch (guilty pleasure i know.. too pop for me)
[thinking]of y im single
[wishin]i was wit some1
[rejected]i will be broke
[should do]somethin productive
[looking forward to] cedar point.. but im not shure if im still goin.. also im lookin forward to PPLZ return
[happy that]i aint got such a dull summa that i thought id have
[mad that]nobody has yet ta hire me.. its aite.. i aint bitter.. lolz wen i make it big i wont be hard on yall
[sad that]i have noone to hold
[details]wellz its 8:50.. im jus waitin fo mah parents ta pick me up.. ima be going ta grandmas house.. relatives ova.. so gotsta.. not bad tho cuz mah aunt is like actually fun.. but yea... lolz mah uncle jus called da green chinese jello kind of thing.. alien and turtle guts... hmm not much ta say... chatted wit nan dis mornin.. they havin fun in CO.. tellin me i should call them.. lolz anyone dat kno me knos dat me and da phone has been estranged.. i jus dont like usin da phone.. its not da usin da phone.. its talkin on da phone.. cuz im a borin person and i find that people run out of thingz ta say to me.. kind of sad.. prob cuz im such a borin person.. o wellz... seems like summer goes bah so fast.. i still have so much hw to do.. books to read.. ppl to see.. places to go.. things to do.. eRr..

[7/01/2003]
[webcam]
[Occupied] watchi BET
[listening] Never Leave You - Lumidee
[thinking]nottin.. got damn ass headache
[wishin]it wasnt so hot
[rejected]spendin so much time glued ta screens
[should do]nottin reallyz
[looking forward to] cedar point.. but im not shure if im still goin.. also i cant wait fo PPLZ return
[happy that]i aint stuck
[mad that]im such a glut
[sad that]ppl dont read this
[details]itz 736pm and im jus waitin fo family to be done watchin baseball.. ima den be ova mah grandfatherz. its aite i guess.. but id rather not. but its like once a year kind of thing.. or so they say..

[7/03/2003]

[Occupied] readin pplz blogs
[listening] 25 Reasons - Nivea (not related to 50 cent's in neway)
[thinking]bout life.. social i guess.
[wishin]thingz were different
[rejected]eva wantin ta be some1 else
[should do]some readin
[looking forward to] tennessee
[happy that]i got time to tinkz
[mad that]i cant go to cedar point till aftawards
[sad that]noone is "there"
[details]round 11:20.. suppose ta have gone ta skoo but like da guy wasnt der.. den went ta pick up pplz from der trip... den went ta da stores fo mah mom.. damn ppl crazy round the day b4 a holiday... lines long as fucz.. hmm.. as i was drivin i passed some1 dat i havent seen fo a long ass time.. i miss her tho.. seein her reminded me of good times.. but den brought me down to kno that she kind of left mah life cuz she hasnt really contacted me in a long time.. mah fault too tho.. but like goin ta diff skooz is hard.. o wellz.. I MISS YOU.. the person in a white buick skylark.. dayamn.. listenin to dis song iz like.. how come i cant say these thingz ta the person.. itz wateva.. forget it..sux bein lonely.. broke.. and bored.. wateva..

[7/08/2003]

[Occupied] playsite
[listening] What would u do- Isley brothers
[thinking]bout life.. family.
[wishin]time could rewind
[rejected]that its mah fault
[should do]some readin
[looking forward to] tennessee
[happy that] = ( nottin rite nowz
[mad that]lil bro is sad
[sad that]im "lonely"
[details] woke up round 2. went ta skoo round 5. aint done tho wit shiet i gotta do. den went ta grandma's house.. lotz of shiet went down.. krzy drama.. o wellz.. i dont feel like openin up.. den got home 12:30.. now talkin ta ah boi.. he tellin me bout how i shouldnt be a virgin and ish.. wateva.. i believe in waitin till marriage.. but wateva.. cuz ppl be demoralizin wat sex suppose ta be.. dayamn listen to me preach lolz.. fuck dat.. i got otha reasons too.. but wateva. as u can see i aint gonna open much todayiz..

[7/15/2003]
[Occupied] chattin on extremely slow computer
[listening] crying of babies eRRrr lolz
[thinking]bout life.. family.
[wishin]could have more time
[rejected]bein stuck eva
[should do]some readin
[looking forward to] tmrw
[happy that] found some1
[mad that]i onli got like 4 days
[sad that]im outta state and so is that some1 and eventually gonna be back in our states
[details] well im in tennessee and reopened site to report mah happiness.. yupz im actually happy fo awhilez.. found some1.. two years younger lolz.. but aint netin wrong wit dat... she soo PRETTY... but she from nebraska. and she gonna leave soon.. damn it... how come she cant be from cleveland.. swears... o wellz.. make da best of times we got now.. ha thas all i wanted to do is report happiness lolz.. aites im out.

[7/17/2003]
[Occupied] updatin
[listening] crying of babies eRRrr lolz
[thinking]bout mah baby.
[wishin]could have more time
[rejected]bein da shiet
[should do]some readin
[looking forward to]some money lolz
[happy that]iono rite nowz.. kinda confused
[mad that]i thought it was like that
[sad that]it iznt like that
[details] hmmz well still in Tennessee.. kinda confused at da moment.. o wellz.. yesterday she came ova fo awhilez.. we had to clean mah brothas car and boat.. eh humm.. she got me all wet tho.. Err.. lolz and not that otha way baby... but if u want lolz.. < shes brought out mah preverted side aye den we went ta movies... da movie didnt start till an hour afta we got there so we jus went in and out of movies watchin parts of it lolz.. we watched the end of finding nemo.. some of 28 days later.. even tho we saw it already.. then the beginning of T3.. den da movie started. watched charlies angels... iono i like girls fightin lolz.. da movie wasnt da best thing in the world nor the worst tho.. but yea =).. den went over ta tha house she been stayin at.. played some cards.. den she got me jealous.. still am rite nowz.. iono its aggravatin.. and im really carin fo her.. ima see wat happens.. prob see her later today.. its onli 240 in memphis rite nowz... well datz it.. dats a long ass entry tho aint it...

[7/18/2003]
[Occupied] updatin
[listening] crying of babies eRRrr lolz
[thinking]bout mah baby.
[wishin]could have more time
[rejected]alwayz bein me
[should do]some readin
[looking forward to]seein mah baby
[happy that]iono
[mad that]time goes too fast
[sad that]i made her mad
[details] well i did go see her yesterday... but i got her mad at me iono wat i did either.. lolz itz prob one of those you should have known things .. ill see today wats wrong.. it makes me sad that shes sad tho.



[7/20/2003]
[Occupied] updatin
[listening] tv.
[thinking]bout mah baby.
[wishin]could have more time
[rejected]nottinz
[should do]some readin
[looking forward to]hmm...
[happy that]iono
[mad that]time goes too fast
[sad that]she aint really say goodbye.. (got reason)
[details] Well shes gone... boo hoo hoo..=(... she aint even give me an official goodbye.. we left it open really. so iono.. im waitin fo some contact from her. well today.. not yesterday.. the day she left... i went to "work".. i jus like helped mah brother...he works on semis.. i was jus doin the little stuff. but its still tough cuz its like fuckin hot outside.. o wellz.. mah hands are sore lolz.. not much ta say besides that im missing way too many people nowadayz...



[7/21/2003]
[Occupied] updatin
[listening] tv
[thinking]bout her
[wishin]things were different
[rejected]nottinz
[should do]some readin
[looking forward to]mooneey.
[happy that]new shoes =)
[mad that]im not there
[sad that]she has yet to contact me
[details] well i got me some new shoes today... watched maid in manhatten well sorta.. and ecks vs. sever ballistics.. sorta.. lolz mah brothers got satellite so ill be watchin it like 20 minutes in or 20 minutes till the end.. and stuff like that.. so yea.. you kno i aint realize i could miss someone soo much like i miss her.. it seems like everythin reminds me of her... from ice cream, to movies, to the certain way people do stuff, to places.. its like annoyin.. and its mo annoyin cuz i kno that we really wont be able to see each other unless one of us happens to be visitin the other's city.. thas like not so likely i tinkz.. man why she gotta live in Omaha, Nebraska..

[7/27/2003]
[Occupied] updatin
[listening] tv
[thinking]bout her, and bout frienz
[wishin]things were different and that i could help
[rejected]nottinz
[should do]some note takin
[looking forward to]finishin hw.
[happy that]got electricity Back
[mad that]i wasnt there for mah frien
[sad that]she has yet to contact me
[details] well finally got electricity back.. kinda onli thing im happy bout. she aint contact me yet.. ima go get a callin card and call her then.. she was the one that was spose ta make initial contact, but watevaz.. ima see wats up.. den i find that mah friens goin thru sutff.. i feel bad i wasnt there.. but im here.. so if u readin this.. which i doubt highly cuz noone be readin this.. jus say somtin... i mean i aint exactly one that knows all da rite words ta say but ill try.. man.. dis feelin keeps comin back ta me.. iono i thought mayb itd be gone cuz of anotha circumstance but its there.. and i feel guilty bout it cuz of anotha circumstance... onli two people would know wat im talkinz bout so dont worry if u dont undastand. its like i try to, but its all i come back to. o wellz.. ima think it over laters... i am happy that i finished mah 200 textbook page readin i had to do.. o wellz.. ima go think a lil now.. write later.

[6/4/2003] - YAY..itz been awhilez since i wrote. but ive been job searchinz.. yesterday i applied at burger king and max and erma's. den earlier i applied at dave's and heinen's and like two weeks earlier at a telemarketing place... now im just waiting for calls. so im anxious. also skools done for me! so im happy.. altho i did damn horrible on mah chemistry final. o wellz.. so did e'eryone else. hmmz.. me n two othaz is bout ta start dis web biz. ive gotta go round tomrw organizin shiet.. or even tonite, den like tmrw ask pplz o wellz.. lots of stuff to do.. also i need to see bout an internship, currently theres one but me n mah frien would have to split it, like we wouldnt have to but we want to.. so i gotsta see how that goes.. so lots of stuff goinz on. plus i still have some work to do for next year.. skoo work that is.. well im boutsta organize.

[6/5/2003] im dumb... rite mah temp plate on mah prelude xpired so i had to borrow mah brothers mazda fo tha day.. well den i went up ta skoo round 3 to get mah cell cuz i kinda forgot it der (im jus really dumb), n den i had ta go ta da doctors ta get a physical to be able ta work.. wellz it wuz rainin rite.. n u kno how u put da car lites on.. well u gotsta turn dem off to, my dumb butt aint turn it off wen i went inta da doctors office... so da cars battery died.. i had ta wait fo mah step-dad to bring da van round to jump da car... i swear im dumb.. not onli dat, i didn't realize dat mah temp plate said till the 5, so in actuality i couldve used mah car today.. well wateva..... on anotha point.. me n two othaz boutsta start dis web comp. its bout ta blow up.. u jus wait and watch.. u can watch progress at http://3magine.tk datz right 3magine web design.. like u kno imagine. but itz a lot of fuckin work to be done.. den also im prob cuttin dis ladies grass ova summer, shes a mom of two kids at mah skoo.. i kinda tink its a pity thing.. but who gives a damn, mah brotha got it fo me and so hes like take it.. see he aint even ask me like if itd be good idea to ask someone like that. but its wateva.

[6/6/2003] kinda feel bad.... i wuz suppose ta meet sinit at da park ta catch up wit our ol teacherz frum wilbur wright but i didnt go.. i kinda feel asleep.. lolz so i woke up rite round 2:30 and dats da time dat wilbur wright get out so i didn't even botha ta walk dem twenty steps ta thrush.. o wellz.. i was tired tho..eRr not much ta put cuz not much of day.

[6/7/2003] aitez.. had an aite day.. first woke up too early but thas cuz i had to go to take mah SAT II test in history. i tinkz i did aitez.. den went home and jus played xbox.. den i had ta take mah mom ta north olmsted and den ta make grand-fathers.. afta that me, trang, n nan went ta dis azn heritage thing at CSU where da otha viet girls was performin. rite we got der and der wuznt much ta do cuz dey preformin last so we went ta get some bubble tea.. dats da shiet der.. well we got ta turbofour aitez but comin back we got lost lolz..datz cuz trang gone and jinxed us.. o wellz..afta da heritage thingy we went upta da mall.. it wuz round 8 by da time we got upta parmatown.. eRr watch out fo sunglasses round rosah.. lolz she gone and stepped on a pair in DEBs and she hid dem lolz.. and if ya do go ta debs make shure dat u kno wat a hoody vs. a sweater iz.. lolz nan got inta an argument wit da lady cuz she talkin bout how a hoody is a sweater and sayin dat nan onli doin dat ta make her look bad. afta dat we chilled at trang's place.. mang.. Gabee dont like me.. she onli 5 too.. she gone made rosah and nan write curses fo me lolz.. o wellz. yea den i jus went home and went ta sleep,, been wakin up too earliez dese last few dayz..

[6/8/2003] relaxed.. it was such a relaxed day.. went fishin fo da first time.. caught two fishies tho lolz..den i jus went ta mah olda brothas house ta chill awhilez..i did see a Ford explorer flipped on da highway and a hit and run on mah brothas street. damn da hit and run was kinda freaky too.. cuz da car gone hit da otha car.. and da otha car turned into to hit a car parked in da driveway and da car in da driveway was rubbin da house.. but yeaz.. still relaxed da

[6/11/2003] not bad.. today was aite. wellz i wuz suppose ta go up ta wilbur wright ta see dis talent show but dey canceled it.. o wellz.. so i jus went ova sinit's house and chilled der. found out dat ms. klucas gonna be mrs. egomeyer.. or somtin like dat. played some knockout. one once lost da otha one. den had ta leave ta pick up thomas. mah stepdad trippin once mo.. talkin bout how no one home and how he took thomas to mah olda brotha's. i swear tho. cuz like mah otha brotha was home.. and i came hoem 5 minutes afta thomas usually come home.. wateva. and rite father day next sunday.. i aint doin shiet.. i aint tryin ta be disrespectful but like dayamn u gotsta earn mah respect nowadayz.. im tired of bein short changed and shiet. well afta dat i went wit mah bro and his girl upta da mall.. I aint buy netin but played round. got me some chicken terriyaki.. dat stuff really good wen u aint have it fo awhilez. den went home.. not really excitin but betta than normal dayz.. still aint got job nor did i find mah book dat i should be doin hw from.. its angerin me too cuz i keep lookin and find shiet. o wellz.. but like i got somtin else stuck on mah mind and its jus been killin me. i swr i wish thingz were so much simpler. i wish i didnt care so much bout ...... i wish i could like not like....

[6/12/2003] ??... wat can you do/ wen da person that you/ have fallen for/ has the eyes for someone else more/ do you / continue to/ pretend that your not hurt/ or try to move on even if it exerts/ so much energy to lie to yourself/ maybe its that i need some help... kinda down couple dayz.. jus feelin lonely.. ionoz.. not much ta say..

[6/14/2003]hmmm... fun day todayz.. went wit trang,nan,khanh,jennifer upta da mall round 5 cuz from 4-5 we was lookin fo dis one guy cuz trang lent him her ring and she wanted it back.. well den round 8ish went upta gunning ta meet wit team cuz he knew where dis guy was.. but da guy was up at da park alreadyz.. so den we waited round fo awhilez fo team.. lolz ta kill some time we stole nan's shoe and u kno it was jus rainin da otha day, well da ground all wet and stuff and nan walkin round wit onli one shoe on... den she gonna go on dis lamppole and jus wait fo her shoe.. lolz.. well den we went up ta dis girlz house but we jus like stop der fo a second, den went upta marcs ta talkz ta sameth.. den went ta get som ice cream on 130.. we met team up der.. lolz we sry azz pplz.. jus sittin in da two cars and talkin across dem.. den on da way home we wanted a pen so team gonna throw two pens ova and miss so den som1 goes and reaches out and gets da third pen... lolz it wuz fun tho.. we wuz boutsta go upta da moviez at first but it aint work out.. o wellz..12:40 amish... err im feelin downz.. hate bein down.. o wellz... i guess i should jus somehow get distracted.. prob will be by tmrw.. me n two othaz bousta start a biz.. we gonna blow up, u jus wait and watch.. check it out.. http://3magine.tk .. err still tho.. itz like i cant get dis one feelin out of mah heart... i guess if itz suppose ta be den itll be and thingz happen fo a reason.

[6/15/2003] i wonder.. well on to that lata onz.. today was such a relaxin day... woke up early ta take mah mom to work like alwayz.. den did nottinz till round 2 went fishin till lik 8.. kinda sucked at it caught onli 4.. but like 2 hours was drivin and den like anotha hour was at da lake which had no fish at all.. den come home and mah bro throwin bbq.. da food was GOOD.. den jus did shiet.. so as u can see relaxin.... on ta tha otha topic.. u kno hope jus sets u up fo a down fall... i aint even tryin ta feel down at netime nemo.. had enuff of dat shiet fo da past three years.. got mah grades yesterday and i actually did betta den da otha quarters.. SO NAY NAY ta dem pplz who said id fail cuz i got a car and license.. wateva.. newayz.. see itz jus like wen i thought thingz wuz gonna go up fo me.. i jus fall ten times the amount i climbed up.. if u kno wat i mean.. iono itz like i wanna tell som1 and den its like if i tell som1 im scurred of wat mite happened.. shiet mite jus keep it to mahself to make it simple... eRr i swear tho.. its like BLAH.. n ta narrow it.. cuz i kno some mite tink its da dealio wit mah step dad.. but it aint.... itz jus iono.. DIS IS WHY GUYZ DONT EXPRESS DER FEELINZ... CUZ ITS HARD TA EXPLAIN... shiet i swear i wish life was easier...

[6/17/2003] mixed... well i finally got mah MONICA cd.. been waitin foeva fo it.. she mah girl.. lolz.. well i went ta watch two movies today.. i watched finding nemo wit 5 lil kids lolz.. they all behaved tho so it was aite.. den went ta watch da italian job. da movie was at 930 but den me, trang, n nan went up ta ridge round 7ish cuz we was gonna meet up randy, sameth, n tina.. kim n chanda was der but dey left.. well da movie aint start till 930 so we went ta topps den marcs.. n den upta super kmart.. den we went back to ridge and met up wit team n friens.. lolz i dont kno how ta spell der namez so i aint gonna even try.. lolz i kinda felt outta place e'eryone der went ta marshall cept tina.. but she knew dem pplz.. o wellz.. so we went ta watch da movie..hmm sometimez i wonder bout thingz... but den again mayb im overanalyzing. well got home round 12ish.. mayb a huge ass mistake by not callin ta say ima be late.. mah phones battery was dead tho. so i forgotz... o wellz.. but den damn ass stepfather gotsta be tha onli one buggin i swear.. dats why im fo shure leavin dis summer ta tennessee (mo on dat latas).. rite mah mom was jus like next time make shure u tell us ur gonna be late or wat time u gettin home and mah olda brotha was like jus make shure u call home next time... but dis bitchass gonna keep comin inta thomas's room tellin me shiet.. like next time u gonna leave a note wit who u wit, where u at, wat time u home, and a phone #... (i thought thas why i got a cell).. den he gonna come back n tellin me i should go apologize to mah frienz parents cuz i took dem home dat late.. fuck him.. den he gonna come back and say dat fo shure its 11 and dat if derz a problem itll be ten.. as in problem he meant if he feelz ders a problem.. dat bitch aint even talk ta mah mom and he makin dat decision... o damn i swear i wish i aint change mah name and let him have custody... cuz now he tinkz he got all da power, wen i onli respect mah mom and not him.. aitez fo summa mah bro invited me down tennessee n ill be helpin him out n he payin me... rite da onli prob i had wit dat was da biz we tryin ta launch.. but i realize i can work from der too.. newayz i wasnt shure cuz i wanna stay wit mah frienz.. but itz like now i wanna leave cuz by da time i get back da bitchass gonna leave fo chi town fo skoo... so i wont have ta interact wit him fo a long ass time.. so itz wateva.. i love dat phrase.

[6/20/2003] sometimez u gotta do shiet u dont wanna do.. but o wellz.. i mean i guess if its like good fo othas.. supposedly.. who knoz.. ima jus see..

[6/24/2003] i wonder..itz like sumtimez if its the actually that i want or is it the idea that i want.. hmm.. been doin lots of thinkin.. still no conclusion.. maybe i shouldnt tink too much. iono nemore.. im jus tired of it.. im jus tired of havin ta deal wit it.. its like ahhh.. and den its like dayamn.. den im jus blaberrin but ders actually a meanin behind it.. jus hidden.. aites till next time..

[6/25/2003]Well i've officially given up on that somebody.. Time to move on per advice.. im tired of waitin.. its time ta quit.. and its somewat a weight lifted off wen i accept the fact that it will not happen... or at least not fo awhilez.. o well.. itz not like i dont got feelins.. itz jus that i wont do netin nor pine, nor care much like i did b4.

[6/27/2003] bored.. but o wellz.. ima switch up tha way mah thoughtz bein presented to you.

[Occupied] watching t.v.
[listening] can u help me - Usher
[thinking] bout sleep
[wishin] i had money... or at least a job
[rejected] the idea of searchin fo some1.. they gonna search fo me lolz
[should do] mah AP euro homework.. but it'll get done
[looking forward to] six flags sunday...mah trip ta mah bro in Tennessee.. and possibly tha step-family reunion july 4th weekend
[happy that] im so much betta at flash.. Check out http://mo-love.says.it
[mad that] i gotta wake up early tmrw
[sad that] im broke as hell
[details] -- well i kinda did nottinz today.. fell asleep round 11 and didnt wake till 1.. den did nottin.. kinda pathetic if u tink bout it.. but o wellz.. not onli was i broke as hell.. i had to do some chores round the house.. i did go upta tops wantin ta get hair dye but i aint payin no 10.00 fo some hair dye since i aint got that much hair.. ima gota marcs tmrw.. den i lost mah keys there.. well half of dem.. cuz mah key chain retarded.. so i need a new one.. but wen i lost it i aint realize till i got home.. den i went back.. talked ta customer service.. i had ta describe it . i couldn't look mahself.. den i talked to da self check cashier and said she found dem and it was at customer service so i went back ta customer service and finally found them.. it was on a technicality that it was exactly three keys.. wateva.. shiet i need ta find stuff to occupy mahself lolz.. ill prob start on hw tmrw.. its 200+ pages ta read and then 10 page "report".. thas wat i get fo pickin a hard class.. o wellz..datz it.. borin ass life.. lolz i switched up da thoughtz format so its easier ta jus read in mah opinion da interestin things lolz.

[6/29/2003]

[Occupied] watching t.v. (poker)
[listening] Don't wanna hurt you - Latif
[thinking]boutta go ta six flagz
[wishin]i had money... or at least a job.. and sometin ta do
[rejected]doin hw todai lolz
[should do]mah AP euro homework.. but its sunday
[looking forward to] mah trip ta mah bro in Tennessee on tha 10th.. and possibly tha step-family reunion july 4th weekend
[happy that]i aint got much ta worry bout
[mad that]i gotta wake up early tmrw, n stepdad forcin me ta go ta church
[sad that]im broke as hell
[details]well its 3 and i aint goin ta six flags till 4... ken got free tix.. so im goin.. lolz... o wellz.onli got like 10 wit me tho... ummz well letz see not much ta talk boutz.. yesterday did shietz.. i dun even remeba wat i did.. hmm lots of hw.. feel asleep three times tryin ta do hw lolz.. o wellz.. ummzz mah fav aunt comin in todaiz.. canst wait.. shes jus fun i guess.. well hmmm i suriouzly have nottin ta do dis week.. PPLZ plan stuff ... okz im done

[6/30/2003]

[Occupied] updatin sites
[listening] Don't wanna say goodbye - Blu Cantrell
[thinking]of sleep
[wishin]i was betta lookin.. im jus oogly.. but ill deal
[rejected]feelin sorri fo mahself.
[should do]get some sleep
[looking forward to] not waking up early in da morning.. mah moms on vacation.. we plannin fo cedar point.
[happy that]all mah friens aint users. abusers. conceited. freeloaders, nor backstabbers.. I THANK ALL YALL
[mad that]im feelin emphatic towards step-father
[sad that]im broke as hell.. im a bum lolz...
[details]itz 12:40 and i got back frum six flags round 11:30.. dat place bootleg.. lolz.. we got der round 5.. onli got on batman and double loop... superman was broke.. den we got in line.. we wuz up next.. but noo it started to have "inclimate weather".. fuck dat dey needsta give me some extra tix to ride it lolz..

[5/2/2003] guilt.. wat is it.. hmmm.. for some reason it feels as if i have this feeling of guilt, or shame. i feel as i have failed in someway. maybe its that words of others who said i would fail are getting to me. i can't believe it. i neva cared what others said.. mayb its jus that its coming from elder people.. maybe its coming from people who i respect. maybe its more there than i realize.

[5/4/2003] feet hurt.. well 2:30-10:30 helpin out at Chef's table as a volunteer.. got some good ass food tho.. like to go to it as a participate is bout 1,000 a ticket.. its like going around da west side market where da get all dese restaurant "booths" set up so you can try there food... and damn some of that shiet is GOOD... i mean i look at some of da menus and its like 25 a plate.. and its like whoa. i get to taste it fo free rites lolz.. well what i did most of the time... (yea i didn't go round jus eatin fo 7 hours lolz) was help people set up, and serve da food.. I help Bruno's Ristorante that is located on 41st... i swear da shit is good.. and da people funni too.. hmmzz... i should be doin hw lolz.. eRr.. ima go do it now...

[5/9/2003] oo damn.. im DONE wit mah ap shiet.. its been a rough week wit dat shiet. ionoz tho, next year ima have three AP classes. lolz.. i bet dis time next year i'll be a walking zombie.. but i did learn dis year dat i shouldn't procrastinate so much bout studyin.. a lesson learned too late sadly. i mean it aint go dat bad tho. err i went upta parma to find a hat rite.. well dat color and team wuznt der.. eh hmmm.. o wellz i best make shure its da rite one before i go and buy it.. i did get mah mom a motha's day present. i got her a mini-rose plant... i was tired wen i came home today.. i jus fell asleep fo awhileez and its not likei planned to eitha.. o wellz.. rite nows im fixin up all mah sitez... ima go now.

[5/12/2003] ha got it... yupz i finally got dat hat fo trang dat ive been lookin fo it seemz foeva.. hmm... weekend sux but dats cuz i had ta do shiet fo mah mom.. but its aite.. hmm mah bro is not shure if ima get da bmw on saturday.. dat means i mite have ta drive da van... ahhhh... lolz if it was jus me tho i was boutsta roll in a mercedes coupe too.. cuz mah bro's friend borrowed his car and he borred da guyz car, which was da mercedes. and he's like u would've been able ta drive it, but its onli two people so you can't take neone it lolz...it was a convertible too... o wellz lolz.. i would b nervous drivin it too tho.. like dont wanna mess dat car up at allz.. skoo becomin so easy since it da end of year..dats bout it..

[5/15/2003]HAPPY BIRTHDAY TRANG/YELLOW RANGER/MRS.POTATO HEAD/CHUBBZ......on other note. i remember today why i dislike or hate my step-father so much.. aite check dis out.. our phone, da one dat i picked, setup, read da instructions bout, well he goes and presses dis one button over and over repeatedly but it does nothing, and i tell him you gotta do something else den he goes and says you don't kno what im doin, HA he doesn't kno what he's doing.. den he jus goes on and on.. i swear.. oh wellz.. now i jus found out dat i got a job interview at dis telemarketing thing on saturday at one.. problem is is that the akron thing.. and i aint talk to trang yet so.. ima have to figure out some way.

[5/18/2003] wow im tired...yesterday wuz FUN tho... went ta summit mall in da mornin, a hummm* if u ask someone to b der early shouldn't u be awake too lolz.. well der was da aayat fasion show up der.. i won a $25 gift certificate to fanmania.. afta that it was off to umm.. lolz like 10 places, we went ta giant eagle, nan's house, pat catan's (spent crazy mount of time der), rosah's house.. and den offta St. Boniface's celebration thingy.. i actually danced lolz... didn't get home till 12:30.. step-father was buggin, but mah mom was like u had fun aye.. she was all koo bout it too... eRr its not like i didnt tell them i was gonna b late, wateva mah step-dad jus wanna be hard headed, mah theory is that he wants to control me, cuz he has no control over ne shit, nottinz at all at mah house... i mean mah mom is like da one dat controls everything, n den he sees me and thinks he can control me cuz i aint his,, u should see the hypocritical shiet he does, its diff fo me and thomas.. wateva it dont matta.. i mean its not like i care rite dis moment.. today was borin, i wanted to go see a movie but like kno step-dad will trip.. o well ill prob go next weekend..well dats it...

[5/20/2003] o dayamn... im bored.. btw HAPPY BIRTHDAY NAN. eRr i need a job for money lolz.. hmm had da interview yesterday, but wont kno fo awhiles.. o wellz.. aint got much ta say today.. write lata..

[5/21/2003] eRr.. jus got da stuff i gotta finish for summa fo mah AP european history. i should start but u kno im lazy and procrastinator..lolz i jus realized dat i put 4 instead of 5 for the month.. so i jus changed it.. damn im retarded lolz.. hmm not much today.. o ummz while i was drivin mah friend home we wuz behind dis bus den he goes and waves at dis one girl.. jus u kno fo fun.. so she goes and tells everyone to go ta the back of da bus and now its like a crowd all starin at us.. he jus waved at dem again.. and den dey wanted me to wave.. but u kno i wouldn't.. it was kinda pathetic dat like da whole bus gonna go to tha back and jus like look at us..

[5/24/2003] o wow.. so close ta tha end of skoo, i needta study too.. o wellz.. today i did nottinz at all.. iono jus aint feel like it really.. yesterday i worked on da chemistry extracredit project.. we aint finish it tho lolz.. i was at matt fanous's house till 11... i noticed how suburban families so different. or it could've jus been his.. on another point, his family is soo nice too.. o wellz.. hmm. gonna finish project most likely on monday.. hmm.. iono ill prob go ta movies tmrw.. err its like i have so much to do but im not doin it...... ders jus dis feelin inside but wat can i do...

[5/27/2003] hmmz.... i was bored as hell ova da weekend.. had no money.. da job place aint call me back eitha. thas shady.. o wellz.. monday i had to finish da chemistry video right... wellz i find out that the computer thing aint compatible wit mah computer... so i gone and did the pause, rec, pause, rec, ff, rewind thing wit da vcr and camcorder.. took mez an hour.. den i realized i left da display thing on half the time soz on da tape u can see da time and shiet. u kno watz. i jus cant stand how some ppl be all different round different pplz.. i mean i can undastand how they can be a lil but dayamn u aint gosta go change everythin bout urself round different people. i guess datz jus da way some pplz act...hmm.im so nervous bout tomorow tho cuz i gotta do da speakin part of mah finals in french... ima go study

[5/30/2003] dayamn.. skoolz finally over.. can'ts believe.. onli two mo yearz b4 college.. urrz. im lookin fo a job and an internship currently... itz annoyin..i wish i had mo connectionz lolz.. cuz dats how most ppl get der jobs. dis week been borin.. plus ive been broke.. been playin basketball mo....i got reallyz nottinz much ta say.

[5/31/2003] hmm... u kno itz annoyin at timez wen u blamed fo somethin u aint do.. rite. mah olda brotha was tellin thomas bout how he was givin fatter rite, den thomas cries.. so mah step-dad goes and tells me, note wen noone else was around, dat its mah fault and shiet and dat do you want him to become a bully, why did you do that, blah blah blah blah.. wateva bitch... o wellz.. today i aint do much, went to mall wit family.. dem claws thing gettin easier lolz.. i got dis angel tweety but gave it to Donna...(my niece)..