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At birth, we are born free of the disease. As we age, our exposure to this specific disease becomes more noticeable. By age 12, we are thoroughly exposed to it and the gradual effects begin to show. We start wasting time and money, and we arguably loose intelligence and control over our bodies. What is this horrible disease? It is none other than the legendary cooties. Do cooties really exist? Many say no, but if you look at the evidence, one may think differently. Before being infected with cooties, we are uncontaminated for many happy and carefree years. We don’t associate with girls, who are infected with cooties. Instead, we wisely build our friendships with other males who are free of this bewildering ailment. We don’t squander our money or time on foolish activities, like selecting the right Valentine. But once the infection sets in, we are doomed and start craving female companionship. Often, through the dating ritual we can spend whole evenings with these females. Precious time is lost to our former friends, and instead spent on girls we may never see in a year—or even after a few hours if things go horribly wrong. Unfathomable amounts of money can be spent on girls. For example, prom night can create a tab of $200 dollars just for clothing, restaurant, gas, tickets, and the happy couple’s photo—and even then, the much anticipated good night kiss is not a done deal. So, we waste hours, which could have been better spent to advance our minds, improve our ACT’s, or clean our rooms. How does one calculate the losses of a weekend spent with a girl? What tests have suffered? What English paper was not proofread and what abominable bedtimes have we endured to finish homework that could have been done earlier, had it not been for…females. Cooties can only hurt us. Cooties is a debilitating disease. It takes a rational male and renders him incapable of coherent speech or logical thoughts. Once infected, many young men start to deny its existence. But denying it only exacerbates the problem. As a result, we become more subjugated to its enervating allure. Although infection is inevitable, it would be prudent to avoid girls until late college years when we have practically reached our educational and career goals. Then, and only then, should females be a greater focus. The time and money we then utilize in our mature pursuit of one significant other will hopefully result happily with marriage, and we will have avoided the debt, fatigue, nervous exhaustion, psychotherapy, and mass confusion from premature quests for female company. Unfortunately, what we should do, and what we actually do once infected, are two different things. |
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